Unforgivable Act
by Irritable Grizzzly
Summary: While writing at her favorite coffee house, Bella encounters Edward & it's hate at first sight, but Edward is persistent. Bella decides to trust him, but there's a small catch. There are a couple of things she considers "unforgivable acts"...
1. Meet Cute

**IG ****A/N:** I can't believe I'm actually putting this fic out into the world. Due to a rampant case of perfectionism, I have been clinging to the damn thing for dear life. I'd like to thank a few people for giving me the courage to post.

farkle, my betarkle. You light up my life. You give me hope to carry on. You are more than a beta. You are a wonderful friend and a fantastic writer. Thanks for the shot of courage. If you haven't please RUN – don't walk – and check out her fic "_Don't Stand So Close to Me"_ on Twilighted.

Leon. Sigh. I kept thinking, "All these women writing about how a man thinks. It would be great if I could find an actual man to write about how a man thinks," and then you came to me out of the fog. The missing piece I needed.

KiyaRaven. Kick-ass bitch extraordinaire. Thanks for the ass-kicking. Please check out her fic "_The Screamers"_ on Twilighted.

Now: I do realize there are women out there who are trying to save the reputation of a _fictional_ character. To those people, I say this: If you think I've written a story called "Unforgivable Act" and that act does not take place, you are sadly mistaken. If this isn't your cuppa, take thee to a fic that is more suited to your "sensibilities." Nobody is tying you to a chair making you read this stuff. You can threaten, flame and try to provoke me. This story is not coming down. I will just laugh at how pathetic you are.

Yes, I do realize this A/N is totally out of hand. It's my first fic. Leave me alone.

I will be doing BPOV. Leon McFrenchington will do EPOV.

***

A "meet-cute" happens in romantic comedies. It is when the two main characters meet under unusual circumstances and many times there is awkwardness or outright animosity that eventually turns into love.

Ex. Bridget Jones' Diary - Bridget's mom tries to set her up with good-looking attorney Mark Darcy. He immediately thinks she's got a mad case of verbal diarrhea, smokes too much and dresses like her mother. She thinks he's a stuffed shirt.

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**PROLOGUE**

Before I answer, you should know there are a couple of things I consider "Unforgivable Acts."

If either of these happen, I will leave. It will be as if I'd never existed. You would have to agree not to try and contact me in any way, shape or form.

**CHAPTER ONE**

**Meet-cute**

_BPOV_

I went into the coffee house. My refuge. I ordered my usual Americano and went to sit on my favorite gold couch, with its worn upholstery and sagging cushions, and opened my laptop. I turned on my iPod and put the buds in my ears.

I had discovered this place when a friend asked me to meet him here. I instantly fell in love with it and decided it would be my writing place. I hated to write at home. Too many distractions and thoughts of other responsibilities.

After graduating college, I became a freelance writer and was actually earning a good enough living that I didn't need another job. Like most writers, I'd always had fantasies of doing something bigger and better. I was writing my first novel and needed to have my mind fully on my work. Lately, though, I was having a bad case of writer's block - even in my sanctuary. I stared at my screen. I'd been stuck on page thirty-five for who knew how long. It stared at me and mocked me and maybe enjoyed my suffering. I tried to glare it into submission for an hour. It glared back. It was stronger.

Suddenly, I felt someone on the couch with me. I looked up. It was two someones. A guy and a girl. The guy was… oh Lord… I could only see his profile, but sonnets could be written about his bone structure alone. His bronze hair screamed "rape me" - which was apparently what was happening, since there was a strawberry blonde on his lap running her fingers through it. She was kissing his neck, nearly sucking the skin off.

I blatantly stared. I couldn't help myself. I guess the energy of my stare must have triggered some awareness in the guy, because he stopped murmuring into her collarbone to look at me.

It took every bit of muscle control not to let my mouth hang open. Drooling at this point would have been completely unacceptable. I stared into glorious green eyes. Then I stared some more. Then - _then!_ He winked at me. He freakin' _winked_ at me. The cocky asshole! Here he was with someone who was most likely his girlfriend and they were groping each other, and he _wink__ed_ at me?

That shook me out of my coma. I went back to glaring at page thirty-five. No use. Between Mr. Sex Hair and writer's block, it was all too much. Even the music in my ears sounded discordant.

I pulled the ear buds out in time to hear "Eddie honey, I'll go get our coffee. You wait right here and keep those lips nice and warm for me!" She leaned in and kissed him. I fought the urge to toss my coffee back up.

"Tanya, baby, how many times do I have to tell you? It's not 'Ed' or 'Eddie,' it's 'Edward.' Please honey, try to remember."

"Huh. You don't seem to mind when I'm screaming 'Eddie' at the top of my lungs, but I'll try to remember, sweetie."

She bounced off his lap. I rolled my eyes. _Baby, honey and sweetie?_ Oh, just kill me now. Cute little pet names like that were the surefire sign of a relationship going absolutely nowhere. It screamed of false intimacy. I started to put my laptop away when I heard someone clear his throat and speak.

"Where are you going?"

I looked up to see Mr. Sex Hair staring at me. Did he look at every girl like that? Like he was undressing them with his eyes? I squirmed. "I've decided I don't want to see the second act of your performance. I can't write when I'm trying not to throw up."

He chuckled. No. Just no. Someone who was this much of a jackass should not have a voice or laugh like that. DJs on those smooth jazz stations could only dream of having his voice.

'_Bella!'_ my inner calm voice spoke to me. '_You will _not _be thinking of Mr. Sex Hair and his "Fuck Me" voice. You are going to get out of here with as much dignity as you can muster and try not to trip over your own stupid feet on the way out. Then you'll never have to see him again.'_

I managed to put my iPod and computer away into my computer case, zipped it up and then stood - all without dropping anything. I was impressed with myself. Apparently righteous indignation helped with my usually debilitating clumsiness.

I also managed to do it all without looking at _him_. I'd have to remember to reward myself later. I had my case on my shoulder and my keys in my grip when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and suddenly that voice - that damn sexy, beautiful, dreamy, "_Fuck Me" voice_ - was in my damn _ear_, whispering…

"I hope to see you again soon."

Praying he did not see the involuntary shudder that coursed through me, I made my way out the door without looking back. I mentally promised myself an even bigger reward.


	2. Stalker

**A/N**: farkle, my betarkle. Thanks for being the best beta and awesomest friend ever. I know it's hard being the beta for a spelling and grammar nazi.

Yeah, this A/N is a bit shorter than my first one.

**

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**CHAPTER TWO**

**Stalker**

_EPOV_

A day after I saw my Brown-eyed girl, I dumped Tanya. It didn't matter if she thought I was a complete jerk for having a girl on my lap while I was winking at her. I knew I'd never feel for Tanya one-tenth of what I felt from being near B-EG for just a few minutes. I was sad to see her walk away.

It was strange. Usually while making out with Tanya, I was fully involved. I mean, yeah, her voice was a little annoying and whiney, and she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but when she kissed me, it went straight to my cock. I just tuned out her voice and concentrated on the sensation.

Then I felt another kind of energy. Like someone was watching. I partook in PDA all the time, so I was used to people being disgusted with my behavior, but this was different. Curiosity finally got the better of me and I looked over to see a girl staring at me. Also not unusual. Except… I suddenly wanted her more than any other woman I'd ever had, and I'd had plenty.

It wasn't that she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. If we were going on aesthetics alone, Tanya was technically prettier… but this girl had _something_. I just wanted to look in those eyes forever, and I wasn't one for romantic thoughts about women – ever. My life was not a romance novel. It was more like a porno.

I couldn't say anything to her while Tanya was on my lap, so I resorted to my usual behavior: I winked at her.

She didn't react like other women do. Usually, they were mesmerized by my eyes, which I understand were kind of an aphrodisiac. Instead, she had looked away. She looked almost… disgusted with me. That was when I realized what this would look like to a "nice" girl. The kind you took home to meet your mother. I had woman on my lap molesting me, and I was hitting on her. I looked like the manwhore I was; and, for the first time, I was disgusted with my own behavior.

I watched her as she put her headphones back in her ears and stared at her computer. She was ignoring me. Also a first. Suddenly she looked frustrated and yanked the headphones from her ears.

Then Tanya was speaking again, and everything was amplified because she was fucking annoying and she was calling me Eddie. Then I had got a girl sitting next to me who was sending me into a complete mindfuck and she hadn't even said a word to me.

I reminded Tanya not to call me Eddie and she said something about screaming my name. I cringed because Brown-eyed girl was listening and probably getting more disgusted. I was thankful when Tanya left, but then I realized Brown-eyed girl was packing up and I began to panic, and I didn't know why.

I asked her where she was going before my brain had time to catch up to my mouth. She got right to the point and called me on being a manwhore, but in the most hilarious way. I laughed because she was so damn adorable while telling me off.

Then, I really couldn't help myself. I checked to see that Tanya wasn't watching, and when she stood up, I got as close as I could - which was a mistake, because she smelled like all of my favorite things rolled into one. I held myself together enough to tell her I hoped I'd see her again soon. I'd told that to a lot of women; this was the first time I meant it. Not in the "I'd like to be inside you real soon" way, but in the "hey, I'd like to look into your eyes some more and find out what makes you tick" kinda way.

So I went to that stupid coffee house every night at the same time hoping to see her. It had been two weeks now.

Of course, my sitting there alone did not go unnoticed by the hot, young college girls who populated this place.

On the one hand, it was reassuring. I was afraid that after the Brown-eyed girl blow-off, I'd lost my mojo. Apparently she was the only one who was immune.

On the other hand, I didn't want her to walk in and see me macking on another girl, because I was pretty sure my chance would be blown at that point. Plus, knowing she was immune made her even more intriguing.

So I acted like she was already my damn girlfriend; and let me tell you, little Edward was puh-_hissed_ at me. He was used to getting regular action, and two weeks of celibacy was longer than he'd gone since forever. During every cold shower, he screamed at me that Tanya could be there in fifteen minutes with her mouth around him, and what about that hot little number at the coffee house who stuffed her number down my pants?

Man, I sounded pathetic. Waiting for a girl who I knew for two minutes and probably hated my guts?

Yeah. Because even if I wasn't here, she'd still be occupying my brain. At least this way I felt like I was doing something.

I was just sitting there on that stupid ugly gold couch with the saggy cushions, contemplating just how much of a loser I was, when she walked in with her laptop hanging from her shoulder. I looked up at her. She finally caught me staring and rolled her eyes. She walked past me and up to the counter. She placed her order and glanced around. The place was crowded. No place to sit but next to me, because I'd been telling people I was waiting for someone. She got her coffee and walked over to the couch, looking resigned, and sat down, not looking at me. She was not looking at me _really hard_. Very purposefully. This gave me some hope.

She put her coffee down, took out her iPod and put the buds in her ears, opened her computer and proceeded to stare at the screen. I waved my hands in front of her to get her attention. She took the buds out.

"What?!" she yelled. She looked up and seemed to be staring at… my nose.

"So you're just going to pretend we don't know each other?" I mused, smiling at her.

"We don't know each other," and with that, she went back to staring at the screen.

I moved closer and held out my hand past her computer. "I'm Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you."

She stared at my hand for a few moments. I waited patiently. She finally took it without looking at me.

"Bella Swan." She let my hand go and continued to stare at the monitor.

"Do the words come straight from your head and just appear on the screen?" She put the buds back in her ears.

Well, that was stupid. '_She already thinks you're a douchebag and then you go and say something douchebaggy.'_

I stared at her while she narrowed her eyes at her laptop. She looked completely frustrated. I pulled the top of the laptop down and she looked up, once again pulling the buds out of her ears. "What now?"

"Why do you keep staring at the screen?" I prodded.

She sighed and cocked an eyebrow at me, obviously deciding whether I was being sincere. She must have realized I was, because she answered honestly. "Writer's block."

"What are you writing?"

She looked up, and once again I noticed her staring at my nose. Either there was something hanging out of it or she was having problems looking me in the eye. I decided to test my theory and moved my head down, trying to force her to look in my eyes. She just shifted and kept staring at my nose. Okay then. She was not quite as immune as she pretended to be.

"A book. I'm stuck on page thirty-five. I can't get past it. The more I try to get past it, the harder it is," she told my nose.

"What have you done in the past to combat the writer's block?" I inquired, learning forward.

"I don't know. It's never happened. That's why I haven't been able to get past it. I have no tricks," she muttered, sighing.

"Maybe I can help".

She finally - _finally_ - looked into my eyes. "What makes you think you can help me?"

"Honestly?" She crossed her arms and glared at me. After she nodded and raised an eyebrow expectantly, I continued, "I compose music. It's kind of like writing, in that you can get stuck. I have certain things I do to get unstuck, I guess."

"Like what?" She seemed genuinely interested, sitting up a bit straighter.

"Well, for one thing, I try to get my mind off of it," I began, scooting slightly closer to her. "Like you said, the more you try to concentrate, the more frustrated you get and then you start to panic and you can't be creative when you're panicking."

"What do you do to take your mind off of it?" she inquired, turning in her spot.

I smiled. This was going better than expected. "Sometimes it's as easy as a change of scenery."

"That's why I come here," she pointed out.

"Well, whatever it is that helped you write here isn't helping anymore. Maybe being here is part of the problem now." She looked at me skeptically. "I'm serious. Look, why don't you stop staring at that screen and making yourself crazy and just take a walk with me."

She considered it for a minute.

"I promise not to be a jerk," I added quickly, suddenly more insistent than I wanted to sound.

She laughed. It was a sexy, little laugh. She closed the laptop and put it away along with her iPod, seeming to accept my offer. I let out a breath of relief. I stood and helped her up, motioning toward the door. We went to her car to drop her stuff off. "Do you trust me enough to take a ride with me?" I asked warily.

She turned and tilted her head, narrowing her eyes. "I thought we were going for a walk."

"We are. It's just, we're here in this concrete jungle of Hollywood and I was thinking of somewhere a little more peaceful." She eyed me, confused and cautious. "Really. We need to go to a place that will be more conducive to writing. I know the perfect place. It's always helped me."

"My mother would kill me if she knew I was getting into a stranger's car," she told me, sighing.

I laughed, but took that as a "yes" and walked her to my car.

"Well, I suppose most axe murderers don't drive shiny, silver Volvos. I didn't expect you to have such a sensible car," she teased, poking my side. I grinned at the physical contact.

"Hey, don't knock Sylvia," I said, dropping my smile and speaking as sternly as possible.

"_Sylvia_?"

"Shut up and get in," I laughed, rolling my eyes and opening the door for her.

Surprisingly, she did with only slight hesitation. I grinned at the acceptance. "So, where's the strawberry blonde who was sucking your face off when I last saw you?"

"I dumped her." I paused for a moment, positive that I heard her mumble _'figures.'_ "You think I'm a womanizing ass, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. Only womanizing asses flirt with other girls while they're with their girlfriends," she said, biting her bottom lip and glancing out the windshield.

"You're right," I confirmed. I quickly closed her door and ran around to the driver's side. I hopped in and turned to put my seat belt on when she responded.

"Are you mocking me?" She turned toward me and glared.

"No. I mean it. That's why I broke up with her," I explained. "I realized I didn't care much about her feelings if she caught me flirting and I kinda figured she wouldn't get too upset if she caught me."

"Wow. I didn't think you were capable…" she trailed off, blushing.

"Of thinking?" I filled in, trying to lighten the mood.

She laughed. It was that sexy little laugh again. "Yeah."

"So you're saying I made a good first impression?" Once more, her laughs filled the car. '_Note to self: make Bella laugh as often as possible,' _I thought with a smile.

I drove through Coldwater Canyon and onto Mulholland, then onto Franklin Canyon Drive. The road wasn't easy to follow. If you were going for the first time, you definitely could get lost easily, even in broad daylight. The park looked beautiful at this time of day, though. Magic hour.

"Wow," she said, her eyes sparkling a little. "This is beautiful. I've lived here all my life and I never knew this place existed!"

"See what can happen when you break out of a rut? Los Angeles is an ugly city sometimes, but you could find an oasis of beauty anywhere if you're looking for it."

She smiled. "I tend to do that. Sometimes I'm afraid to try new things."

I got out of the car and quickly ran around, trying to open her door before she did. I held out my hand and she took it. I held back the grin trying to escape as she hoisted herself using my weight to support herself.

"So, you made it here alive," I said as we started along the dirt path.

"You could be lulling me into a false sense of security. Maybe you're planning on doing your axe murdering on the way home," she ragged, giggling. I wanted more than a giggle.

"Damn, foiled again," I taunted back. I made her laugh with that. I beamed in spite of myself, quite prideful. "You look pretty without all those worry lines," I added as a trailing thought.

She looked down and mumbled to her feet, "Thanks. "

Uh oh.

"You don't think you're pretty, do you?" I asked, grabbing her wrist and brought us to a halt.

She sighed. "I have no delusions about my looks. I'm not the girl who makes men's heads snap off their necks to get a better look when they pass by."

"You know that's all superficial shit, right?" I told her, my eyebrows furrowing. She turned to me with a confused expression as she watched my eyes. "There are a million women who can walk into a room and get a guy hard; but if you go past the fantasy and start talking to her, you realize she's gotten by on her looks for so long and never bothered to develop any other aspect of her personality. So she may be fine for a good time, but when guys want something more, they go looking for a girl like you."

"A girl like me?" she interrupted, a bit dejected. I was swift to clarify.

"You have a natural beauty. If a guy stops for even a second to really look at you, he wouldn't even look back at those other girls."

"Yeah, right," she snorted, pulling her wrist from my grip.

I sighed. I had to come clean. "Okay, big admission here. I only told you part of the reason I ended my relationship with Tanya. The truth is, I was intrigued by you and I only saw you for a few minutes. You have that natural beauty, and your eyes…they're so expressive," I finished softly. Her face lit up in a blush and she dropped her gaze. I cupped her chin and lifted her gaze back to mine. "I kept going back, hoping to see you. I kept that damn seat next to me empty. I pissed off a lot of people."

Her expression turned from embarrassment to thoughtful. "Is this what you do?" she asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" I responded, confused.

"From what I've seen, you're kind of a lothario. I get the feeling you know what to say to a woman to get into her pants," she started, her voice turning sour towards the end. I put my hand on her arm to stop her. I took one of her hands and stared down at it.

"Look," I sighed, "you're right. I'm a womanizing ass. I do know what to say to women and they do respond. It's probably something I do without thinking, but I have never put any effort into getting a girl. It's always been too easy. It took a lot of humility on my part to go to that coffee house and wait for you. Then to _admit_ to doing it. That's not my usual M.O." I glanced up at her, hoping to gauge her reaction.

She stared into my eyes. I'd never had a woman look through me like that - as if she were reading every thought I'd ever had. I ran my fingers lightly down the side of her face. She swallowed hard. I cupped her face in my hands and leaned in to kiss her. She shivered. I'd never been so tender with a woman before. I'd always wanted to prove to them how much of a man I was by grabbing them and shoving my tongue down their throats - dominate them from the get-go. I couldn't treat her like that. She wasn't like that.

She looked like a part of her wanted to resist. The part that knew what a jerk I was. I continued on, pressing my lips lightly to hers, hoping the side of her that wanted the kiss would be stronger. It was.

Apparently this girl was holding a lot of passion inside her she rarely let out. She pulled herself against me like I was a life preserver. This was quite a kiss. I tried to find a way not to breathe just so it could go on forever. When we finally tore away from each other, our breathing was in gasps and she looked ashamed of herself.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, her cheeks flushed and her chest heaving.

'_Don't be. I enjoyed every minute of it.'_

She blushed furiously. One minute she was crushing her body against mine, and the next she was blushing. It was so cute. "No guy has ever said those things to me before. Okay, to be brutally honest, I haven't gone on many dates and there was this one guy who lusted after me in high school like a puppy dog, but he just annoyed me.

Then I see you - and yeah, you've gotta know how completely hot you are and your effect on women - and you're right, I've never thought of myself as pretty. Maybe it's because not many guys approach me, and maybe that's because I put up a really good shield and they're scared to talk to me," she continued, taking a deep breath. My eyes widened at her long-winded speech, both in a bit of shock and amazement. "So, I figure you're just out for conquests and it seemed like some kind of challenge or maybe you were paying attention to me like it was a joke. After what you said to me, though…"

"Wow. You hardly speak to me and then verbal diarrhea. I kinda like it," I chuckled, stepping even closer to her.

She punched me in the shoulder before dropping her head and shielding her face from me. "I really hope you meant all those things you said. I'd hate to feel like a fool."

I had to pull her chin up again to stare her in the eyes, to make her understand I was changing all my rules for her. "I meant every word. Truly. Every other girl I've been with would be jealous."

She seemed to go inside herself for a moment. I waited patiently. She got a look of resolve on her face and then stared me dead in the eye. "First, I'm going to try really hard not to think of 'every other girl you've been with.'"

"Yeah, okay. I won't bring that up again," I laughed, nodding slightly.

"I'd appreciate that, because I've decided I'm going to take the leap and trust you. Please don't make me regret it," she finished rather quietly.

"Thank you," I responded, unsure. I paused. "So you think I'm hot?"

She rolled her eyes, and I chuckled in response. She looked deep into my eyes again - the look that first sent me into a tailspin. "Thanks for bringing me here." She looked around and then back to me. "I don't know if it was the place or the company, but I am feeling inspired." She blushed at her admission.

I smiled, proud and pleased. "I told you. Works every time." Then I hugged her. I can't remember the last time I hugged a girl. Probably fifth grade…or…no...maybe just my mom. I was instantly happy and frustrated. I loved to smell her, but it just made me want to be close to her even more, and I had to take it slow with this girl.

"Let's get you back to your car," I mumbled into her hair, and reluctantly pulled away. We rode back in silence. I reached over to hold her hand and she let me. Progress.

I parked next to her beat-up red truck. She was looking down again. She did that a lot. "How come you're always staring at your shoes?"

She kept looking down and blushed. She really was adorable. "It's sort of become a habit. I think sometimes I try to be invisible. I don't want people to notice me." She seemed to be holding something back.

"And…" I said, prodding her.

"It's probably a little worse with you because – and I can't believe I'm saying this – I think you're really beautiful and when I look at you my heart does funny things and your eyes make me forget my name."

"Bella?" She kept her eyes down. "Please look at me." She peeked up, a little embarrassed at first, but then her eyes softened and I could see that she really wanted to trust me and come out of her shell. It made me remember why I was putting forth the effort.

"What?" she said quietly.

"Can I pretend to run into you tomorrow?"

She laughed again and the heavens opened up. "Yeah, I think you can."

I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you." I watched as she got out of the car and climbed into her truck. She started it and it made me jump. It was really loud. She grinned at me sheepishly, waved, and then pulled away.

I knew then my life would be turned upside down.

* * *

**A/N** **KiyaRaven**, my Sooper-Seekrit Life Partner and Kick-ass Bitch Extraordinaire. Your writing is so good, it could bring a grown man to his knees. You inspire me and help bring out my inner bad girl.

Remember to read "The Screamers". You'll laugh till you cry.

**Leon**, thanks for being Edward. I'd like to think I know what boys are thinking, but I so totally don't.

I always like to recommend good writers!

**Shannon Carr **Afraid to Dance. Bring your hankies.


	3. Falling for the Womanizing Ass

**IG A/N: farkle, my betarkle. Give a big hand to the woman who has to beta for me. It can't be easy. **

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**CHAPTER THREE**

**Falling for the Womanizing Ass**

_BPOV_

How did this happen? When I walked into the coffee house and saw him, I knew I was in trouble. He wasn't with his girlfriend and the way he looked at me made me weak in the knees. I put on my best pissed-off expression and rolled my eyes, hoping he wouldn't see the lust, or somehow figure out that he had been the star of my dreams for the past two weeks. After I got my coffee and noticed there was nowhere to sit but next to him, I knew I was in _major _trouble. I figured if I ignored him, he'd go away. That didn't work out so well. He introduced himself and I tried not to look in his eyes because I knew once I did, he'd realize my whole façade was a sham and he'd laugh at me.

It got a lot easier when he made the jerky comment, but then he started talking to me like he was a human being. My parents raised me to be polite, so I decided while he was acting nice, I would as well. When he suggested we go someplace else and I accepted, I just wanted to tattoo the word 'SAP' on my forehead and be done with it.

I knew what this guy was. He used women like toilet paper. One searing gaze from those eyes was enough to make even the coolest woman on the planet melt. I was nowhere near cool. I was barely lukewarm. I was the lamb going to the slaughter. He was the lion about to devour me. Yet I couldn't find it in myself to worry about it at that moment, because I made the mistake of glancing away from his nose and looking into his eyes, and rational thought was just a memory. I just prayed that whatever I did to embarrass myself at this point wouldn't be too awful, and that once I was away from this incredible power he had over me, I'd come to my senses.

I must have been crazy, because I agreed to get into his car with him alone. Probably the stupidest thing I'd ever done - I wasn't a person who lived life on the edge. I did everything the safe way. I couldn't remember the last time I took a risk. My life had always been so sheltered. My dad saw to that; overprotective wouldn't begin to describe it.

I thought it would be awkward, but the drive over was comfortable. He even made me laugh. I made fun of him and he was able to laugh at himself. Most guys got all pissed-off and tried to act macho. First he called me a "natural beauty." Then he made that admission about waiting for me. I couldn't believe it. I wondered if he was just saying that. I decided to ask him.

What he told me made sense. I was sure girls threw themselves at him left and right and he really didn't need to put forth any effort. I mean, he was mind-numbingly gorgeous. When he leaned in to kiss me, I had the two sides warring with myself. The side of myself that had been dying to get out – the adventurous girl I held down – screamed, _'Yes! Just kiss him! Take the leap!'_ The other side was telling me I was being stupid, and that once he kissed me, there'd be no going back.

For the first time in my life, adventurous girl won.

Then I embarrassed myself fully and completely. I attacked him like an animal. Between that and the eyes, I was putty in his hands. Then I felt the muscles underneath his shirt and it was the final straw. I couldn't get close enough. I realized then that I had never been thoroughly kissed before and I understood why Tanya couldn't stop kissing and groping him. He oozed sex and sensuality from every pore. He was a potent drug. When we broke the kiss, I realized what I had done and I was so ashamed of myself.

I told him how much what he said meant to me and about stupid Mike Newton and I must have been desperate, because I even told him I thought he was hot. I guess it was a minor admission after his, though. Then over-thinking girl took over and she just had to make sure. Dot the I's and cross the T's. She tried to take care of me. I let him know I didn't want to become a fool simply for admitting what I did. Of course, I couldn't look him in the eye when I said these things. I knew my brain would turn to mush if I did.

He had other ideas. He made me stare right into his eyes as he told me he was changing all the rules for me. It was then I knew I needed to make a decision. I could tell this guy to take a hike and continue on my safe path. The path to nowhere. The path to boredom.

…or I could take that leap and see where the road led, and know that even if things ended badly, I took a chance for once in my stupid life. I told him not to bring up those other girls. If I was going full-throttle with this, I had to agree with myself to let the past remain in the past. Then, with every ounce of courage I could muster up, I told him I'd trust him. He really had no idea how much it took to say that.

When he hugged me, I felt so many emotions at once, my head swam. The scent of him was almost excruciating. It made me happy in a way nothing had in a really long time. It made me know my life was going to get a little more colorful now, and I found I was okay with that. It was difficult to let go. We rode back in his car in a comfortable silence. He held my hand and the contact felt good, almost electrical. I figured if I was taking the leap, I might as well give myself over to it. With that in mind, I told him the truth about why I tried not to look at him. I waited for him to laugh at me or say I was pathetic and kick me out of his car.

Instead he made me look at him again. I felt embarrassed, but then I saw something in his eyes that just made me believe if I went with it, everything would be okay. When he asked if he could run into me the next night and kissed my cheek, I was elated. He acted like a gentleman. Like he respected me. Not like he treated the other girl. I knew I was making the right decision.

He thanked me and my heart skipped. At that point I knew I was in it. No going back.

I got into my car and started up the engine, scaring him half to death. The shock on his face was priceless. Embarrassed, I just waved at him and tried to get my noisy car out of the lot as quickly as it would go, which really wasn't all that fast.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the beginning of my new life. Taking chances suddenly seemed like the right thing to do.

---

I met him at the coffee house the next night. I brought my computer with me, just in case it was all just a sad, stupid joke.

It wasn't. He was there on our couch. He smiled that crooked, cocky smile, and I wanted to attack him and smack that freakin' smirk right off his face all at the same time. A part of him felt the need for this stupid front he put on. Maybe because he had made himself so vulnerable to me the day before.

I walked up to him, determined to get a real damn smile. I just got up in his face and stared in those stupid dazzling green eyes that made my body turn to jello and waited until the _real_ Edward looked at me. I watched him try to hold onto the shell, but he finally looked at me like a human being. I kissed him lightly on the lips as a reward, which took every ounce of restraint I had, because every cell of my body wanted him in a way I knew would never happen to me with any other man. Ever.

"What are you doing to me, Swan?" he started, his voice mock annoyed.

"Whatever do you mean, Cullen?" I said, mimicking him and giving him a smirk of my own.

"You call me on my bullshit without having to say a word. That's pretty impressive," he chuckled, draping an arm around my shoulder.

"Are you saying I make you want to be a better man?" I teased.

"Quoting Nicholson, huh? Nice," he said, cocking an eyebrow.

"A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do," I continued, smiling.

"Take a walk with me," he suggested, standing and holding a hand out for me.

"Here in the concrete jungle?" I joked, remembering our conversation from yesterday.

"It doesn't matter where we are. I just want to be with you," he crooned, and I couldn't decide whether to snort or smile. I decided on smiling. Our hands intertwined and everything just seemed so right. The sun was setting. Magic hour again. The colors made everything beautiful.

"So… Swan… what do you do when you're not staring at your computer, writing a book?" he asked as we exited the coffee shop and began to stroll down the sidewalk.

"I stare at the screen for money. I'm a freelance writer. What do you do?" I answered lightly.

"I've been taking some time off. I intend to go to medical school. I've been accepted to UCLA," he replied, staring off ahead.

"Medical school, huh? So I guess on top of being incredibly hot, you're also insanely smart," I ribbed. "Maybe I should just sit here and twirl my hair with a blank expression. It's too bad I was never a cheerleader. I don't think I could quite get the look down perfectly."

"If you were that vapid, I wouldn't have given you the time of day. Vapid girls don't attempt to write novels," he paused, halting us and turning to me. "Speaking of said novel, what's it about?"

"It's loosely based on Romeo and Juliet, only without all the angst and dying there at the end," I informed him casually.

"Oh, that idiot," he scoffed.

"Idiot? I'm assuming you mean Romeo? I've always kinda had a thing for the man," I defended.

"Well, Swan, and here I thought you were smart. That guy makes mistake after mistake. Could he have made things worse for himself? Honestly, it's like he wanted to sabotage the relationship," he shot back, a smirk taking his lips.

I smacked his arm. "Take back what you said about Romeo!"

"Ow! Maybe we'll discuss it later when I've got some body armor. Why don't you tell me what's got you blocked," he laughed, rubbing his arm.

"Ugh, I don't know. I think there's a hollowness there. These two characters are supposed to be burning for each other, and I can only muster up a little smoke," I groaned.

"Why do you think that is?"

"I guess I've never felt that way about anyone. I don't know what it's like to have all-consuming passion," I responded dejectedly.

"Really?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah. I mean, the guys I've gone out with. They're nice and sweet, but I've never had the kind of kiss that made my toes curl and my knees go weak… well, until yesterday."

He got a bit of a smug smile on his face. "Really, Swan?" he ribbed, tickling my side as we continued our walk. I blushed and pushed his hands away.

"Look, your head is big enough already. Can we just drop it?" I stuck my tongue out.

"I don't know…"

"Please?"

"Fine. Then tell me this. Why would you be writing about one of the most passionate love stories ever told if you've never had that passion? Don't they say to 'write what you know'?" he posed, waving his hand in front of him.

"I don't know… I guess… I thought… maybe if I wrote about it…" I trailed off, humiliated at the thought.

"Like wishful thinking?"

"Hey, don't knock it. I've just started writing it and I've already gotten my toe-curling kiss!" I supported.

"Toe-curling _and_ weak knees. If you don't want my ego to explode, Swan, you're doing a piss-poor job of it," he teased.

I blushed and looked down. Of course. "I just don't seem to be able to keep my mouth in check around you."

He lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. "No, apparently that's my job."

It took everything in my power to drop my gaze. "Will you _stop _with the dazzling thing!"

He laughed and I was reminded of that first day when I heard it. It still had the same effect on me. "So, now I can add 'dazzling' to the list?"

I shook my head. "Drop it, Cullen!"

"Anything for you, Swan. So, why do you think you've never had that kind of passion?" he asked.

"It'll probably be self-explanatory if I tell you a little about my life," I started. "I'm a small-town girl from Forks, Washington, a place you've probably never heard of. Let me put it this way: the forest was my backyard. My mother, Renee, took me away from my father when I was really young. When I became a teenager, my mom got herself a young, hot, baseball-playing boyfriend who wanted to pretend his wife didn't have a kid. Lucky for him, she was reliving her second adolescence. Decided pretending she didn't have a kid was an awesome idea. So she shipped me off to go live with my father, Charlie, the chief of police in Forks. Charlie was nice, but kind of emotionally unavailable," I finished, taking a deep breath and hoping my word vomit wasn't too much.

"That's your life? Shit, Swan. That's depressing. I'm sorry," he said solemnly, pulling me closer to him.

"Don't be. I got through it and got to know my dad. His walls came down quite a bit and we learned to relate to each other. Going to live with Charlie was the best thing that ever happened to me. Renee could never take care of herself and I had to be the responsible parent. My dad had a hard time giving to me emotionally at first, but he always showed his love by taking care of me.

"First, he got me a truck. It was older than I was, but his friend's son is a mechanic and he made it safe and reliable. Then, one of the first mornings I came to live with him, it snowed. I walked out to my car to go to school and realized there were chains on the tires. It got me all choked up. Some stupid chains on my tires and I'm standing there blubbering like a baby. It was just so nice to have someone taking care of me for a change.

The only problem was, he took his responsibilities seriously. Very seriously. I was the only daughter of the police chief. If you think I had hot dates that wound up in the back-seat of a car, you would be sadly mistaken."

"I see. So I'm guessing it was just the nerd patrol," he mused, holding me even closer.

"Endlessly. I love my dad, and he took good care of me, but I couldn't wait to get out of there."

"And here you are with me."

I rolled my eyes. "Talk about going in the opposite direction!"

"I could get myself some glasses and a pocket protector if it'll make you feel any better," he joked, grinning widely.

"Thanks," I laughed, thrilled that he was so easy to talk to. "So, tell me about your life."

"Not much to tell. My dad is an amazing surgeon and my mom is an interior designer. They're the best parents a guy could have. They always make sure they make me happy. I've never wanted for anything," he explained simply.

"Trust fund baby?" I probed lightly.

"Yeah, but they would kick my ass if they thought I was just gonna coast and do nothing with my life." I laughed at his bluntness. "I hope to be just as good a surgeon as my dad is. I want to make him proud."

"I'm sure you will," I told him.

"Thanks. On with my life story, I guess. I have a sister named Alice. She's always been into mainstream pop culture, so she went into fashion design. Pretty successful too."

"Alice Cullen?" I gasped.

"That's her."

"Damn. I hear movie stars utter her name on the red carpet when they yell '_Who are you wearing?!'_" I said, awe-struck.

He chuckled. "Nothing makes her happier than that moment right there. She nearly breaks the sound barrier with her squeals whenever it happens." We laughed together at his playful jab at his sister. "Her husband Jasper is a therapist. Let's see… my older brother Emmett went into the family medical business, too. His wife, Rosalie, writes for Car & Driver, so you two might have a lot in common."

"Yeah, except for the part where I can hardly tell a BMW from a Mercedes and when my car makes a noise I make the radio louder," I snorted. He stopped and swung me around to face him.

"So, Swan. Do you think I can stop pretending to run into you and take you on a real date?" he asked suddenly. I tilted my head and pursed my lips.

"I don't know, Cullen, are you ready for such a big step?" I shot back.

"The question is, are you ready to take a chance on a womanizing ass?" he said, hitting the main issue. I looked away from him and his penetrating stare. I didn't want to let him know just how much he had me. Then he lifted my chin, and as if he could read my thoughts, he said. "You have me too. I already told you that."

Then he kissed me until I nearly passed out.

* * *

Now I need to recommend some fics, because what kind of beta would I be if I didn't support my girls? I only beta the good stuff, people. Life is too short to read bad writing.

If you like your angst turned up to eleven, and poor Cluelessward, please check out my girl **hopefulhappenings09** and her fic _**Cliché Much?**_

If you want your Comfortward straight-up, please check out _**Untouchable**_ by **silver sniper of night**.

As always, go read _**The Screamers**_ by **KiyaRaven**, because her writing is so good, you'll weep.

_**Don't Stand So Close to Me**_ by my beta, and one of the best people I know, **farkle**, who also knows her angst and makes me tear my hair out. Professorward? Oh yeah! You know you want him.

_**Just like them**_ by **Kaz-i-mir-6** because Edward loves him some socially awkward Bella, and you love him for it.

As always, thank you **Leon McFrenchington** for your magic touch. No, not like that! Get your minds out of the gutter!


	4. Letting Go

**IG A/N farkle, my betarkle. You are a saint for putting up with me. More A/N at the end.**

**Voting begins today for Bronzehairedgirl620's Epic T-Rated Contest. My fic "Firetrucks, Burgers and Vegetarians" is entered. There should be a poll in her profile. You can't see me, but I'm totally giving you puppy-dog eyes. I'm just shameless.**

**---**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**Letting Go**

_EPOV_

I met her at the coffee house the next night. I was starting to have doubts. I mean, I had never given that much to a girl. Maybe she would think I was a pussy or something and come here tonight to tell me she had no respect for me. So when she got there, she might have seen the womanizing ass.

Then she just came up and looked me in the eyes, and damn if I didn't just totally give it up for her. She owned my ass. The sooner I admitted it, the better. We went for a walk and she told me about her life and I told her about mine. Another cardinal rule broken. I always liked to be mysterious. If you asked any other woman I'd been with about my parents, they'd probably say, "He has parents?"

I found out she was a survivor and that just made me respect the hell out of her even more. No wonder she could see right through me. I had everything handed to me. I mean, yeah, I didn't plan on sitting on my ass my whole life, but I'd always had that cushion. I'd always known that if I failed, I had daddy's money to fall back on. I'd never have to worry about having a roof over my head.

It's amazing she wasn't completely bitter. I couldn't even imagine Esme or Carlisle telling me they didn't want me around. My parents had been together and they were completely fucking in love with each other still. You've gotta have a damn strong backbone to pick yourself up after something like that.

I only wanted to know more about Bella and get closer to her. She did make me want to be a better man. There was only one way to do that. _Let. It. Go. _Let go of my macho bullshit and the posturing and the worrying about letting a woman see the real me.

When I asked her if she would take a chance on me, I could tell she didn't want to let me know just how much she was into me. Just like me, she wanted to hold back a little bit of herself in case she got hurt. I couldn't let that happen. I let her know she had me too. If she could take a chance on a womanizing ass, especially after that little display she saw when she first met me, I could take down my guard and let her know I was worthy of that trust. I was a risk-taker by nature - I just had to make the leap and do it.

Let it go. So I did. It was the best choice I ever made.

I had to decide where we'd go on our first date. With most women, I knew it would just take one or two dates at Spago's or some equally pretentious expensive restaurant, and then back to her place. Bella, however, was not impressed by money. She also hated to dress up. Some shit about not wanting to be Barbie or something, and fuck if that wasn't hot as hell, because she still managed to look perfect without the trouble. I had to stay far away from the 90210.

I knew of this little hole-in-the-wall Italian place that had a live band that played Sinatra tunes. The place was small and you always needed reservations. Funny that this place was harder to get reservations at than Spago's. My name was practically engraved on the reservations list there.

I picked up my phone to call her. Holy shit. Were my hands sweating? '_Pull it together, Cullen.'_ I called her and she picked up on the second ring.

"Hello Cullen!" she cheered on the other line. Right, caller ID.

"Hey, whatcha up to?" Could I have sounded any more lame? I didn't think so. I suspected some stuttering was due any moment now.

"Just finishing up an article," she filled me in for a few minutes before quieting down.

"Yeah, well, I'm calling up to schedule our first official date," I said almost immediately.

"Uh huh…" she mocked, feigning disinterest. I hoped.

"Geez, try to tone down the enthusiasm there, Swan. A guy could get a swelled head." I muttered, rolling my eyes and fighting back my grin.

She laughed. The laugh that made me want to kiss her senseless. "Well, why don't you tell me where we're going and maybe you'll get a better response." I told her about the place, filling in just enough details so that there would still be _some_ surprise. "So, it's just casual?"

"Yep," I confirmed.

"Well, that's great! I'm really looking forward to it. Thank you! I was worried you were going to insist on Spago's or something," she laughed out.

Hmmm…

"Naw. Not for my girl."

'_My girl? Holy shit, Cullen! Pull back! You don't want to freak her out!' S_he just laughed again, and I swore I could hear the blush through the phone. '_Whew. Close one.'_

"So, I'll pick you up at six on Saturday."

"See you then, Cullen."

"You bet, Swan."

--

I arrived at her place at six on the dot. Another rule broken. I usually kept them waiting. She opened the door, wearing just a blue sweater and jeans. Her hair was down. She looked good enough to eat. She didn't need all that fake crap.

"You ready?" I smiled, leaning against the doorframe.

"Yep, let's go!" she nearly squealed, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back to my car.

We drove to the pizza place, talking and laughing about stupid shit. I'd never been so relaxed on a date before. We got there and they led us to the small back room where the band was. Just a group of old men making corny jokes as they were setting up.

"So, Swan, no expense spared tonight. I'm feeling generous. You can even get pepperoni on the pizza."

"Well, since we'll be _splitting_ the cost of the pizza, I could just get the pepperoni on the half I'm paying for."

"Shit Swan, why don't you just take my balls while you're emasculating me. C'mon. I asked you out. Just let me treat you to the damn pizza," I said, annoyed. Her tone wasn't in repartee, so I needed to squash that thought altogether.

"Fine, Cullen, wouldn't want you to feel like less of a _man_. After this, are you gonna club me over the head and drag me off to your cave? Maybe show me your latest drawings?" she said, narrowing her eyes and smiling.

"You're funny, Swan," I scoffed.

We placed our order. I got some wine, too. Wine and pizza. On a first date. It seemed totally natural. The band started up. They sang "The Way You Look Tonight." I looked over at Bella, thinking how appropriate the song was. She was watching the band, but then caught me staring at her and she blushed. I reached over and took the hand that was lying on the table.

"You really do look beautiful tonight, Swan," I said, rubbing her knuckles with my thumb.

She blushed deeper. "Thank you, Cullen. I'm really having a good time."

She smiled. I smiled back. Best first fucking date ever.

We got back to her place. I walked her to the door like a gentleman.

"I really did have a great time," she said. "I can tell you thought about me when you took me to that place. I'm pretty sure Tanya wouldn't be caught dead there."

I laughed. "Tanya would have probably thought my parents cut me off and taking her there was my way of telling her we'd be slumming it from here on out."

"I happen to love 'slumming it.'"

"I know, Swan. That's why you're here and she's not."

She blushed some more. It had to be my favorite thing about her. "You went out of your way to make me feel comfortable. I appreciate it."

"You're worth the effort." She stood on her toes and kissed me. I kissed her back. Before I knew it, we were wrapped around each other and had to extricate ourselves. I wanted to show she could trust me, so I mentally told little Edward to shut the fuck up. Then I looked her in the eyes and kissed her hand. The smile and the blush were totally worth the argument I'd be getting from little Edward that evening.

BPOV

When he called me to go out, I was so afraid he was going to make me dress up. I mean, I was pretty sure he'd never had a date who didn't wear a nice pair of eff-me pumps, then insist she wear them later that night after they got back to her place, so I was really surprised when he told me we were going to a little pizza place and to dress casual. Then… I thought he said… "My girl." Did I hear him right? I wasn't about to ask him to repeat it. I was sure it was a slip-up. I didn't want to embarrass him.

The pizza place was awesome and the Sinatra band was phenomenal. We just shared a pizza and talked. He called me beautiful.

Best first date ever.

Then we shared the most lust-filled kiss of my life at my door. How close was I to inviting him in and having my way with him? Too close for me to even think about. God, did that man know how to kiss. I tried not to think about why he was so good at what he did. I also pep-talked myself into believing I was enough woman for him. I decided that I thought too much. I said I trusted him, and I had to mean it. No going back. No stupid insecure self-talk to help me sabotage it. If he went back to being a manwhore tomorrow, at least I had today. Where for a short time, Edward Cullen, the most beautiful man I'd ever laid eyes on, wanted me.

I found myself very okay with that.

* * *

Sorry this chapter is so short. I promise to make it up to you next chapter where the prologue comes into play, so you won't have to guess anymore.

Special thanks, as always, to _my farkle. _Yes, I'm laying claim to her. She's mine. Back off, bitches. While you're backing off, go and read about her hot-ass Professorward.

**KiyaRaven**, you are a dirrrrty dirrrrty girl and that's why we get along sooooooo well. You write so good for me.

**hopefulhappenings09** - Writing naughty misspelled poems with you about hot dogs and cats is one of the highlights of my day. We must publish them and become famous.

I want to recommend a very under-appreciated fic called _**Primary Colors**_ by **Jaxidy**. Why isn't it more popular? Broody Fireward? Y'all usually love him! Jake gets offed in the first chapter! C'mon!

**rmcrms5** – Even though you totally give me ulcers, I love ya. Thanks for the support.

**InsaneGrizzlies **– You support me and recommended people vote for my fic, even when you've got one entered in the same contest. Seriously, you are the definition of humility. Thank you!

**silver sniper of night** – You have a great talent. Never forget that. You write a damn good Comfortward.

**Leon** - Thanks for everything, as always. Hoping everything is well with you.


	5. Girlfriend

**IG A/N: Farkle, my betarkle. Thanks so much for your help. **

**As promised, this chapter is much MUCH longer. It includes the prologue and Caveward! **

**Leon, you were right. Irrationally jealous Edward is hilarious. I had a blast writing this chapter.**

--

**Chapter Five**

**Girlfriend**

_EPOV_

I decided not to pull my full-week waiting period. Hell, I was calling her today – make that this morning - a mere seven hours after I last saw her. I didn't know what the hell happened to me, but I was just gonna go with it for now and see what happened. For once, it wasn't Little Edward steering the ship. I was in uncharted waters and Little Edward only knew full-steam ahead. I found her number in my phone and hit send.

She answered by uttering something unintelligible.

"Hey Swan," I breathed out, probably too emphatically.

"Cullen, did you happen to look at the time before you called me?" she greeted, the sleep evident in her voice.

"What? You don't like waking up at eight AM on a Saturday?" I teased.

"We were sucking face at my door at one AM. Megan Fox may not need her beauty sleep, but I sure as hell do," she droned on, yawning throughout her speech.

What the hell was she talking about? Was she putting herself down again?

"Listen, Swan, I'm only gonna say this one more time," I began. "Shit, who am I kidding? If you need me to say it a thousand more times, I probably will. I gave you my balls last night and you probably have them in a little jar on your dresser, so I don't have my manhood to protect anymore."

"Oh, Cullen, you are one for speeches…" she tried to interrupt, but I wasn't having any of that.

"Shut it, Swan. I'm in the middle of letting you know just how pussy-whipped I am, and I won't be interrupted," I paused, making sure she wouldn't attempt another interruption. She stayed silent for a minute, so I decided it was safe. "Good. From the first moment I saw you, it was like every other woman faded into the background. Everywhere I look, all I see are your beautiful eyes. You're more than just a body. You're the most awesome babe on the planet, and if I was so fortunate as to call you mine, I would ravish that hot, little body of yours morning, noon and night. You'd be so worn out, you couldn't even look at another guy, and I _still_ wouldn't stop." Silence followed. I was really hoping that was a good sign. "You still there, Swan?"

She sounded breathless when she uttered a shaky "Yeah."

Excellent. I continued, "What do you think about a movie tonight?"

"A movie? That's so 'traditional date' of you, Cullen. I like it," she giggled out.

"Yeah. We're still sitting in the back though," I followed through, smiling. I could almost hear her own smile through the phone.

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything less," she laughed.

"I'll see you at seven, you hot piece of ass," I joked. She snorted. I loved that. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you later."

I hung up feeling very proud of myself. It seemed mixing Assward and Sweetward wasn't that hard.

BPOV

"Jacob," I sighed, shaking my head.

"Bells, when you met the guy, he was practically having sex in public." I could hear that tone in his voice. He was younger than I was, but he always had that _'I've lived so much more than you have'_ thing going on.

I started pacing, annoyed at having to reiterate all this to him. "Look, Jacob, you're going to have to trust that I have a brain in my head. I mean, he dumped the girl and sat there, waiting for me for _two_ w_eeks_. I'm sure there must have been a ton of women hitting on him, but when I saw him, he was just sitting there on the couch. _Alone_," I emphasized.

"Oh Bella…" he started, like 'how could you be so naïve?'

"Jacob! Stop it! I know I may have been sheltered by Charlie, but I've been living on my own for a while now. You have to trust that I can make my own decisions!" I sat down on my couch in a huff. I could practically hear his mind going. I think he knew he had pushed me to the limit.

"Sure, sure. Sorry. I just worry about you. I hate being so far away. I feel so powerless. I was always your protector." He sounded so sad. I eased up a little, understanding where he was coming from.

"Look, Jake, this is part of the problem. All my life, I had you and Charlie running interference. I never got a chance to make my own mistakes. Most people don't live like that. I've decided to take a chance on this guy. If I wind up getting my heart broken, well then it's about damn time. I mean, that happens to most girls in their teens. I know you love me, but you can't protect me my whole life. I need to experience everything. Even the bad stuff," I told him. I knew if he just listened to me, he would understand. He wasn't unreasonable… usually.

He let out a long breath. "Yeah Bells. You're right. Of course, no matter what I've said, if he hurts you, you can still come to me and I won't even say 'I told you so,' okay?" He let out a small laugh.

"I really hate having a guy as a best friend, you know that?" I joked, feeling much better. Speaking to Jacob, no matter how stupid or difficult sometimes, always put me in a better place.

"Yeah, but if your best friend was a girl, she couldn't go and kick your boyfriend's ass for hurting you," he joked right back.

"Jacob…" I said, trying to sound threatening, but he was making me laugh. Still, I had reason to be worried. Even though Edward was muscular, Jacob was 6'5" and could probably pound Edward into the ground. I could never doubt Jacob's protective streak.

"Hey, I only promised not to say 'I told you so.' That's as far as I'll go." He waited.

"OK. If something happens I'll tell him to go into the Witness Protection Program," I muttered, rolling my eyes and holding back another chuckle.

He guffawed. "Yeah, like that would stop me."

"Oooh. Male posturing. Are you flexing your muscles, too?" I said, mocking him.

"Okay, okay, new subject. How's the truck running?" He sounded so proud. He came out here soon after I moved. We found that truck at a junkyard and he completely rebuilt it by himself.

"As loud as ever. Edward nearly jumped out of his skin the first time he heard it!" I laughed at the memory of his shocked expression.

"Great! See, already instilling some fear into him and I'm not even there," he chuckled. "Oh, Billy's calling me! I've gotta go!"

"See you Jake! I'll try to call you later this week. Go help your dad. Tell him I said hello."

"Sure, sure. See ya, Bells. Be careful! I'm here if you need me." I could hear the caring in his voice.

"Thanks Jake." I hung up. That went better than expected. Now to get ready for tonight… a date with Edward Cullen. A real date. Of course, I'd be expecting a few surprises. I had a feeling with Edward, there would always be surprises. I really hate surprises.

---

Edward picked me up at 7:00 on the nose, dressed in a simple button down and jeans. I smiled at his ease and effortlessness, glad he was still proving himself to be more and more humble.

"Aren't you the punctual one." He laughed in reply, shrugging his shoulders and grinning sheepishly.

"Yeah…" he started, but didn't continue.

"Oh." I nodded knowingly, crossing my arms and leaning against my door.

"What?" All innocence. I snorted and shook my head.

"Edward. C'mon," I said, jabbing him in the rib with my elbow. He led me to the car and let me in, like a gentleman, complete with opening the door and fastening my seatbelt. OK, that was a little overboard. I looked at him

"Safety first!" he beamed.

I was just about to make a smart-ass comment about his driving when he closed the door.

After going around to the driver's side and getting in, he looked at me like he hoped maybe I had forgotten what we were talking about. I stared at him. He blew out a breath.

"Okay, so I may not have been the most punctual guy in the world before you." Now he was the one looking down, his face a light pink.

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He looked up, his green eyes shining. "That was for telling me the truth and for being on time. For me." I smiled at him. He gave me his crooked grin back and leaned back in for another kiss.

"So it's off to the movies, Swan," he murmured against my lips.

As promised, we sat in the back. What was the movie about? Horror? Romance? Sweeping epic? I had no idea. The making out got really out of hand. Why did we even bother paying the ten bucks?

At one point he pulled my discarded hoodie off the chair next to me and put it on my lap. Suddenly I felt him unbutton and unzip my pants. I wanted to care. I wanted to be outraged and ask him how he could think I was that kind of girl.

Truth be told, I wasn't that kind of girl. Whenever I'd gone to the movies on a date, we watched the damn movie. The making out and groping was for afterward. Just as I was about to hiss at him to stop, I felt him.

Damn him, his panty-dropper eyes, and long, dexterous fingers. I cursed them even as they played me like a fiddle. I cursed him because of what he did to my body. I cursed him as I clung to him and saw stars and tried to keep quiet, even though I wanted to scream.

No one had ever done anything to me quite like that before - and never in public. It was clear to see why he had been with so many girls. It was so erotic to have him do that to me, in public, so easily.

I looked up at him when I could think coherently again, my vision clearing from the fuzziness he created oh-so-perfectly. Damn. He had that smug look on his face. Two could play at that game. I reached over and started petting his little problem. Okay, not so little. His eyes rolled back and his head lolled to the side.

"Damn, Swan," he said. At least, I thought that was what he said - his ability to speak seemed to leave him.

After buttoning my pants, I moved the hoodie over to him and got to work. He smacked his hand to his forehead. Then he put it over his mouth. He would have probably told me to stop if he could, because Edward didn't seem like a guy who could keep quiet.

When I knew he was close he leaned into me and buried his face into my neck. His arm reached around and his hand covered the other side of my head, pulling me closer to him, while he tried to make as little noise as possible. His climax was punctuated by the ending of the film. He finally loosened his grip and rested his head on my shoulder for a moment, catching his breath, before sitting upright. I handed him some napkins we had gotten along with the popcorn that was now up-ended on the theater floor. Was there a way to tip the cleaning crew who came in after the movie was over? I was one of those people who tried to always clean up after herself. I thought it was rude to expect people to clean up after me. However, with this fine specimen next to me, I couldn't feel it in me to care - especially after what we had just done.

"Jesus, Swan," he said after he had cleaned himself off and the blood rushed back to the other brain.

"Yeah… well… you just looked so damn smug," I pouted, folding my arms in front of my chest.

He chuckled and kissed me on my nose. "You're going to be the death of me," he whispered. He stood and pulled me up, crushing me into a hug.

Once in the car, I started to worry. This was only our second date and we were rounding the bases faster than I was used to. I had never done that before. The man brought out the animal in me from that very first kiss. It was like I wanted to breathe him in and have him become one of my senses – or maybe all of my senses.

He looked over at me and seemed concerned. "Bella, you're not feeling weird about what happened in the theater, are you?" He kept his eyes on me instead of the road.

I sighed and looked at him. "How do you do that?" I asked.

He laughed. "I guess I study you a lot. I like to think I read people pretty well. Sometimes you're closed off to me, but other times it's almost like you're speaking," he said, looking at me in that way that made my knees go weak.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" he prodded in that infuriating angelic 'Fuck Me' voice. I relented, looking down at my lap and wringing my fingers.

"Edward, I just… I just keep thinking back to the night I met you. The PDA. Maybe. I don't know. I was talking to Jake today--" I started, but he interjected.

Edward swung his head around quickly, his eyebrows furrowed. "Jake?"

I looked up then and saw his confused expression and realized he didn't know who Jake was. "Jake's my childhood friend," I explained.

Edward gripped the wheel a bit tighter. "So, Jake is gay, then?"

I laughed. "No, Edward. Jake is not gay." I watched his expressions with fascination. His grip on the wheel got tighter. His knuckles were white.

"So, then he's some scrawny, pimply-faced kid," he said, looking at me with a mix of hope and dread. His biceps were flexing as he continued to alternate fisting the wheel.

Oh God.

"Jake is 6'5 and built like a tree." I was getting concerned. Edward didn't look like he was in his right mind anymore.

"Edward, you're scaring me. I think you're about to break off the wheel. Could you maybe relax your grip just a bit?" I calmed, like I was trying to talk a man down from the ledge of a building. If anything, his grip got tighter.

Through clenched teeth, he hissed, "So, then, he's one of those guys who's neither here nor there. Asexual. I mean, his best friend is a girl, right? You've stayed friends, so obviously nothing happened between you two?" It was posed as a question. There was that look of hope and dread again, only this time more dread than hope.

I sighed again. "Edward, I think you might need to pull over for this part."

All I saw was abject fear. In the few times I'd seen him, Edward would fluctuate from smug to sweet and back again, but he always seemed in control, confident. I looked at him now and he was neither. He pulled over and sat in the darkness for a moment. He was just staring out the window, but appeared to be seeing nothing. I saw that his hands were still gripping the wheel. I put my hands over his and attempted to remove them. I knew I wasn't strong enough for the task, but he realized what I was doing and let me. I took his hands in mine. He was still staring straight ahead.

"Edward, look at me." I pleaded.

Maybe I shouldn't have had him look at me. I might not be able to get through this if he kept looking at me like that - like I was about to ruin his life. I'd have to handle this delicately.

"This is going to be bad, isn't it?" he said, his voice strained.

"That depends," I responded softly and vaguely. Best not to stray him one way or another.

He took a deep breath and let it out. It didn't seem to calm him much, but I could tell he was trying.

"Edward, if you don't think you can handle this, please tell me. I'll understand," I pleaded. His eyes lost some of the fear and for the first time since this discussion started, he seemed to be in his right mind.

"Sorry about that," he said sheepishly. "I know this will be hard for me, but I need to hear it." He looked like he was gearing himself up for the worst. I was worried. He was not going to like what I was about to tell him.

"Edward, before I go into my story, you have to remember something about me. I'm a small-town girl. Remember what I told you? Dad, Chief of Police? Boys scared to ask me out?" He chuckled and nodded but I could tell he wasn't exactly relaxed. "Well, there was one guy he always let me hang out with: Jacob Black. He was the son of Charlie's best friend. We were together from the time we were in diapers."

I paused to look at him. He still seemed okay - wary, but okay. I continued with caution.

"I was never a girly-girl. I didn't like going to the mall or anything like that. I dressed in baggy jeans and hoodies. I lived with a man who was always working, watching football or fishing. He didn't really date. I had like one female friend in school named Angela, but we didn't hang out much because she had a serious boyfriend."

I stopped again to check. He just seemed thoughtful.

"That just left me and Jake. He went to school on the reservation by Forks and was a year younger than I was, but we hung out on the weekend when our dads went fishing or watched football. I'd go to his house and watch him put cars together. We'd go to the beach at La Push and play around in the tide pools and just have fun. It was always easy to have fun with Jake. He was very easy-going and smiled all the time."

Okay, a little tenseness happening. I squeezed his hands and looked into his eyes until they looked calm again. Crisis averted. For now.

"One day, when I was about sixteen, we were sitting on a downed tree trunk at the beach, just talking. He used to love to tell me old Quileute legends about 'The Cold Ones' and werewolves who were really shape-shifters. One time he was telling me one of his stories and we got so caught up, we didn't realize how late it had gotten. It was dark."

I really studied Edward now. He was getting that look in his eyes again.

"Edward, I can see you're going to that place again." I squeezed his hands once more. It seemed to relax him like last time. It was like a physical reminder I was here with him. He looked into my eyes again and let out a deep breath.

"Okay, continue," he prompted, but seemed to be bracing for impact.

"We looked at each other for a few moments, and then he leaned over and kissed me. It was a sweet innocent kiss. It was nice. Not toe-curling," I laughed at the little joke, hoping to ease him, "but nice."

Edward relaxed a little. He brought my hands up to his face and kissed my knuckle, and I smiled at the endearing act. I kept going, vigilantly checking him for any more anxiety.

"Eventually that one kiss led to more kisses, and he asked me to be his girlfriend - Edward! Breathe!" I was alarmed. He seemed to have stopped _living_ for moment, reacting seriously to the news I was giving him. He was making _me_ nervous. I waited until his eyes regained focus.

"You sure you want me to continue?" I asked, not sure if I would, even if he said it was okay.

He looked at me for a moment before answering. "Please. I'm sorry about my reactions. I can't help it. I'll try to do better." I was not thoroughly convinced.

"Edward, I'm really worried. If you're all wound up about that, I'm afraid about what's going to happen for the next part." Crap. Abject fear again. His eyes gave away everything. "Sorry. I was just trying to prepare you," I added hastily.

He steeled himself. "Go ahead," he said, but I wasn't sure. He looked me in the eye again. "I can't guarantee my reaction, but I promise that I would never hurt you in any way. I need to know this. I want to know everything about you. My imagination will just fill in the blanks at this point, so it's probably better if I know what really happened." He smiled, but it was false. It wasn't my adorable crooked grin.

I breathed in and out and continued. If I was going to tell him, it was best to rip off that band-aid.

"When I turned eighteen, Jake and I decided to take our relationship to a new level. I didn't want to go off to college and lose my virginity to some drunken frat boy. We agreed that we loved each other and who better to share your first experience with than your best friend who you trust with your life? "

Edward squeezed my hands a bit tighter and closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. His face masked and became more controlled, so I waited with bated breath until he spoke again. "Go on," he said, obviously wanting to get this over with.

"I lost my virginity to Jacob Black on New Year's Eve, the year I turned eighteen."

The squeezing got significantly tighter. He wasn't breathing again. I felt the lack of oxygen in the car - possibly because he had sucked all the air into his lungs.

"Edward, I know you said you wouldn't hurt me, but you're coming dangerously close here." I held up our hands. He loosened his grip and brought my hands back up to his face. He pressed them against his cheek and kept them there, his eyes closed once more. I waited for him, to make sure he was all right.

"Damn," he muttered, still trying to regain control.

"Are you okay?" I murmured, this time bringing his hands to my face. I let his hands cup my cheeks for reassurance - Edward seemed to relax more with physical connections.

"I'm just… fuck… you still talk to this guy?" he asked.

"Well, yeah. Like I said, I was a year older than he was and our lives were going in different directions. He wanted to stay in Forks and open his own auto repair shop. I wanted to spread my wings and came to L.A. We decided our friendship was too good to throw away, and we didn't. It was all really healthy."

"So, he's still in Forks?" he said thoughtfully, looking up. There was that hopeful expression - and this time, I could answer it with a breath of relief.

"Yeah, he's still in Forks. He opened the repair shop I mentioned earlier." I thought that might ease Edward's mind.

He looked down again, his hands dropping from my face. "Do you ever see him?" he asked quietly.

"Well, yeah. Like when I go home for the holidays or decide to visit my dad, sure." Edward squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"His feelings for you? They're purely platonic now?" His eyes were still squeezed shut. I didn't know what to do with this. His behavior was so out of character - in the short time I had known him, he was nothing but calm and easy-going.

I had to be honest with him. I couldn't let his reactions – or possible reactions – make me any less honest. "Truthfully, though he never says it, I think he carries a little bit of a torch for me."

Edward's face flashed in near-pain. "How about you?" he asked, almost inaudibly.

"I have absolutely no feelings other than friendship for Jacob Black. I swear." I stared at him until he looked at me. "Hey, I've been nothing but honest with you, right?" I was going to get very angry if I had even a hint that he didn't believe me. We didn't even need to bring up the fact that we were comparing my few experiences with one person, to his seemingly infinite set.

His eyes softened and he took my hands again. He looked me in the eye. "Yes, you have. I'm so sorry, Bella. I just… I've never done 'relationship' before. I've never asked any woman about her past and didn't really care. I certainly didn't want her to know about mine," he laughed out bitterly. "I think – shit – if you had just fucked some guys before me I probably would still get a little crazy, but I'd be okay with it. I think it's just that you two had this relationship and he's known you his whole life and you still talk to him. Then you tell me he still has feelings for you. How do I compare to that?"

I sighed. "I understand, Edward. Really. You don't have a thing to worry about. I would not be here with you if I thought there was any possibility I wanted to get back together with Jacob."

For the first time since I started my story, he gave me a genuine smile and leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips.

"Are you OK to drive now?" I joked

He looked emotionally exhausted at he said, "Yeah, I think I'll be able to concentrate on the road now – unless there's another best friend-slash-ex-boyfriend you need to tell me about." He only looked like he was half-kidding.

I let out a relieved laugh. "No. No more of those. How about you?"

He laughed loud this time. A real laugh. "No. I've never had a female best friend." Nothing more needed to be said.

--

We pulled up to my place. Edward was looking down. I think he was still recovering.

"Do you want to come in?" I offered before I could think about it.

He gave me his huge crooked grin. "Yes, Swan, I would."

We walked hand-in-hand to my door and I let us in. He sat down on the couch.

"I've got some merlot in the fridge. Is that OK?"

"Perfect," he said, grinning.

I went to the kitchen to grab the wine and a couple of glasses. When I came back he was fiddling with my stereo.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"Mi casa es su casa," I said, flopping down on the couch and pouring the wine

He laughed, still trying to find a station not playing Lady Gaga.

"Bilingual too! I've got me quite a girl!" He flashed me his crooked grin and I blushed.

"Donde esta la biblioteca?" I couldn't stop myself.

"Wow, Swan, are you trying to seduce me?" It's working." He finally found a classical music station and began stalking towards the couch. I giggled.

"Ummmm….yo quiero Taco Bell?" I was grinning from ear-to-ear now.

When he got to the couch he pulled me into his arms and kissed me passionately.

"Remind me to find my high school Spanish textbook. It's a goldmine!" I said, and we both laughed.

Then we just stared into each other's eyes for a few moments. He reached out and tenderly stroked my hair.

"Swan, I don't know what you've done to me. I can hardly recognize myself anymore, and that's a good thing."

I smiled back at him.

"Well, Cullen, I have to say that I don't recognize myself either. You've helped open my eyes to so many possibilities. You've reached in and found the passionate girl who's lain dormant my whole life." I looked at him to gauge his reaction, hoping he didn't think I was pathetic for admitting that to him. Even I felt this was all too sudden, but he brought out such reactions from me. I couldn't think otherwise.

I saw something in his eyes radiate back.

"Bella, I know this is only our second date, but I hope you feel what I'm feeling, because I'm about to go out on a limb here and say something I've never said to another woman." He took a deep breath and got a look of determination in his eyes. "Bella Swan, will you be my girlfriend?"

Time seemed to stand still. Wait. Was this because…

"No, it's not because of what you just told me."

I blinked stupidly at him. Whether in shock of what he said or how he knew what I was thinking, I wasn't sure.

"Okay, maybe a little, but not in the way you think. I realized when I had that reaction that I must feel something for you that's more than I've ever felt for anyone. It's almost too much. I feel like my chest is going to explode."

We both laughed at that.

"I feel the same way," I whispered as the laughs began to die down.

The laughter stopped almost immediately and we were back to looking at each other again. I loved how comfortable it was, even if his stare was intense enough to make me squirm. Those babies needed to be registered as weapons of mass panty-destruction.

There were a couple of things I needed to clear up before I could agree. It needed to be said, and even though we'd been through a lot tonight, and even though he might be feeling vulnerable right now, I needed to say it.

"Before I answer, you should know there are a couple of things I consider 'unforgivable acts.' If either of these happen, I will leave. It will be as if I'd never existed. You would have to agree not to try and contact me in any way, shape or form."

He gulped, his face losing a bit of color. He really wasn't used to commitment or agreement, it seemed. "Okay…."

"I've had a couple of friends who have been in abusive relationships, whether verbally or physically, and I've seen what it's done to them. They lost their self-esteem and I watched the life in their eyes extinguish." I shook my head, trying to forget the day I helped Jessica move her stuff out of her apartment before her boyfriend came home.

Edward looked shocked. "Baby, I would never intentionally say or do anything to hurt you. Ever. And I would never - hear me clearly, _never_ - do anything to harm you physically." He looked at me pleadingly, once more kissing my hands.

"I know. I just need to put it out there. Sometimes it just happens. Two people start to hate each other without realizing it, you know? Pretty soon you're saying the most vile things… I saw some of that with my mom and dad. Some of the stuff two people who used to be in love can say to each other… after seeing that, I know I would have to get out before it got to that point." I shuddered, trying to block all the thoughts from my mind.

Edward put his arms around me and I instantly felt better. Maybe we were more alike than I thought- having him close definitely calmed me. I took a deep breath, inhaling his sweet scent before I reluctantly pulled away and continued.

"The other thing is… cheating. I've even had guys tell me that if you take a man back after he's cheated, he'll see it as _carte blanche _to do it again." I looked into his eyes. This was the biggie.

My hands were back in his, being rubbed and massaged. "Bella, I wouldn't be taking this leap with you if I thought I'd go back to who I used to be…" he trailed off, looking at me expectantly. I knew he was just as confused as I was - he had no way of proving his feelings… he simply felt them.

"No, Edward. I don't mean it that way," I stated emphatically. I needed him to understand. "I told you I would trust you, and I do. My philosophy is to trust people until they prove they can't be, okay?"

His face lit up at the open prospect, the shine returning in his eyes - it was confirmation for him. It was me agreeing without me agreeing _quite_ yet.

"I'd be telling this to any guy who asked me to be his girlfriend. I swear. I just need to let you know, so there's no misunderstanding later. I mean, it's more than just the thought of it happening it again." I needed to make my point clearer. "Look how you reacted to my telling you about Jake. Imagine knowing that while we were a couple, I let another man touch me."

He looked horrified, eyes sullen and harsh at once. "Yeah, I see your point," he mumbled, understanding dawning in his eyes now.

"You couldn't get the picture out of your head. Even if you didn't actually see it, you'd be imagining all sorts of things, right?" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them.

"Yes, I would. Of course, I'd hunt down the motherfucker and cut off his dick. That might make me feel better," he finished lightly, weakly cracking a grin.

We laughed together, breaking the tension. He squeezed my hands and looked at me with the most intense expression.

"Bella, I understand what you're saying and I think what you're saying is reasonable. As hard as it is for me to agree to never contact you, I want you to be mine, so I guess I just have to do everything in my power for those things never to happen, okay?" He smiled at me hopefully and opened his arms. I shifted into his lap, enveloped by his much larger frame. I let myself relax into his embrace. I couldn't believe how comforting it was just to be touching him. We just held each other for a few moments.

"Yes, Edward, I'll be your girlfriend," I mumbled into his chest and pulled back. A look of relief crossed his features and we sealed our agreement with a kiss, gentle and chaste.

When we broke away, I remembered something.

"Edward, before we got into our Jacob discussion…" He cringed at the name. "… we were discussing… what took place earlier." I blushed, my face burning red. Edward shifted and forced my chin up, my eyes set directly with his.

"Bella, I just asked you to be my girlfriend. Does that tell you anything?" His gaze sharpened only slightly, drawing me in.

"Yeah, it tells me to shut off that stupid insecure voice in my head," I whispered back, knowing he was growing frustrated by my constant diffidence. I realized I had to take him off the "perfect guy" pedestal and just go with it like I promised myself. I would embrace Adventurous Girl whole-heartedly.

He wrapped me up in his arms and held onto me much tighter than before. "Thank you, Girlfriend."

* * *

Thanks to everyone who voted for my one-shot _Firetrucks, Burgers and Vegetarians_. I made it to the next round! Voting for round two starts today.

As usual, my thanks to **farkle**. Without her encouragement, this fic might never have seen the light of day. I think everything you do is cool too.

**KiyaRaven** who pumps up my ego and lets me into her dirty little mind. I really like it there.

**Leon** for being my Edward and adding the little touches that make the story special.

**InsaneGrizzlies** – Mah girl. Please keep an eye on her profile. We're co-writing an Alice/Jasper fic that will be posted soon.

**silver sniper of light** – may your muse continue to whisper in your ear.

**hopefulhappenings09 **Between us, I think we have the maturity level of a twelve-year-old - and not an advanced twelve-year-old. If anybody else saw our chats, we'd be on a fast train to the loony bin.

**Recommendation:**

_**The Blessing and the Curse**_** by The Black Arrow. **This is Caveward on steroids. If you like your Edward possessive and dark, this is your fic. The writing is top-notch. Word of Warning: I've found that hitting the right arrow button repeatedly does not suddenly make more chapters appear. I still think some of you will try it.


	6. Boyfriend

**Leon: **O wai hai thar… I'm Leon McFrenchington. I'm kind of all over the place, but you can mainly find me here:

http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/u/1785818/

Alright, this is my first solo chapter. You've seen me around this story so far in the form of OCD details, for I like it that way. So, here's chapter six. I hope you enjoy. I want to thank _Bronzehairedgirl620_ for putting up with me and beta'ing my chapter. She's awesome sauce.

**Disclaimer**: Twilight and all its inclusive material are copyright to Stephenie Meyer; I do not own any aspect of the series nor do I make that claim.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

**Boyfriend**

_EPOV_

I sat in my car just outside Swan's house, my head resting on the window and my mouth set in a line. Our date started at seven.

It was six.

I started to wring my fingers, frustrated. I had _never_ been this early for a date. I didn't even know if this was considered 'early' anymore. Hell, I had barely _been_ on dates like this since I was a teenager. What was it about this woman that had me worked up? In a short period of time, I found myself changing everything to make sure I had my bases covered with her, for her. Unnerving, to say the least.

I spent the hour playing the plans over in my head tonight. Movie. Home. Movie. Home. I could do that - I could. I just had to tell myself that.

Repeating the mantra in my head, I got out of the car and headed up to her apartment. Waiting outside her door, I timed the two minutes left so as to not seem _completely_ desperate, and rung the bell as the watch ticked to seven.

The door swung open in a moment, and I looked up to see her dressed comfortably. She flashed me a blinding smile and every nerve in my body was telling me to push her against the wall and take her, claim her. Oh God, could I do this?

And then she was speaking, and her lips were moving, and did her tongue just dart out like that? Why were her lips still parted? Oh, shit, she was waiting for a response. I quickly thought about what she said. Laughing, I brushed it off by shrugging my shoulders, but she continued to play her little mind tricks, standing with her arms crossed and leaning on the door.

I turned, motioning for her to follow me, and she did as she egged me on about my timing. I put on my best innocent act when we reached the car, and I let her in like a gentleman would, hoping she would forget what we were talking about. But Swan, she was full of surprises - and as I sat down, she stared me down.

Taking a deep breath, I decided that I had to keep laying it all out there for her. "Okay, so I may not have been the most punctual guy in the world before you." I looked down, my face feeling abnormally hotter than usual. Without warning, I felt her lips on my cheek and I leaned into her kiss. I looked up at her and waited for her to continue.

"That was for telling me the truth and for being on time. For me." Another blinding smile and I was moving in to kiss her without realizing it.

"So it's off to the movies, Swan," I teased, trying to hold myself back as I spoke against her lips.

The rest of the drive was a blur, and before I knew it we were sitting in the back of a theater watching a movie about demons, or a starstruck romance, or maybe penguins. I really wasn't sure. I _was_, however, distracted by Swan sucking my face off with her perfect lips. She amazed me with how forward she became when we touched, and damn it if that wasn't enough teasing. No more of this self-imposed cockblocking. I thought I could take it slow with her, but that wasn't going to work.

It took me a second to grab her hoodie and put it on her lap, and another to unbutton her pants. I felt her stiffen next to me, but I was a man on a quest. I would _not_ be denied this. As soon as her mouth opened and her eyes glowed, I pushed straight into her with my fingers.

_Damn_. As soon as I felt how soft and wet she was, I began berating myself for even _thinking_ I could take things slow with her. I didn't bother teasing or going slow; my entire focus was on pressing into her more and more, feeling her tightening around my hand. It didn't take long before she grasped onto me and muffled her mouth with my shoulder.

I had to admit I was rather proud that I got her through it with no issues. I was positive she had never done anything like this before, so I took this as a good sign for us. Plus, I got her off. Swan looked like the headlights were on. Who could blame me for being proud?

Apparently she thought differently, because her hands were on Little Edward and he was dead-set on taking over - no complaints from me. After rubbing me a few times, she took her hand away and I had to stop Little Edward from roaring and attacking her. She quickly buttoned up and then moved her hoodie to me, beginning her assault again. I muffled my mouth with my hand because we all knew I couldn't stay quiet while she worked me like a snake charmer. Biting my lip to stop the curses and moans, I grabbed Swan and pulled her to me, using her neck to stop my noises while my hands were occupied with holding her closer. I could feel myself about to let go when she started to pick up the pace, and I framed her head with my hand and face as I released.

_Fuck_. I stared at her, panting, and sat up as she handed me some napkins. "Jesus, Swan," I breathed out after cleaning up.

"Yeah… well… you just looked so damn smug," she said, crossing her arms and forcing her breasts higher and closer. I chuckled to cover a moan and leaned forward, kissing her nose as I glanced down at her chest.

"You're going to be the death of me," I told her, laughing at how she wouldn't catch the true meaning of the statement. I pulled her up as I stood and crushed her in _another_ hug - something I found myself getting used to more with her.

It wasn't until we were back in the car and I was driving us back to her place that I noticed how awkwardly she was sitting, her face concentrated and tense.

I faced her and confronted her, making sure I didn't frighten her with my more forward actions. She seemed shocked that I could read her so easily, but I brushed that off by nearly spilling how I had obsessed over her every action as a joke. Too bad it wasn't.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" I urged, hoping she'd be as open with me as I had been with her so far.

"Edward, I just…" she began with my first name, so I knew this must have been important. I slowed down and kept my ear trained to catch every detail. "I just keep thinking back to the night I met you. The PDA. Maybe. I don't know. I was talking to Jake today--"

'_Who?'_

My head snapped up, and suddenly I wasn't sure why my entire body felt like it was burning. My forehead creased as I thought of every Jake in the world and exactly how to kill them. Quickly. "Jake?"

Bella glanced at me, as confused as I was, and spoke up. "Jake's my childhood friend."

Friends with a girl… I wasn't liking this. I went with the first thought - or hope, rather - that popped to mind. "So, Jake is gay, then?"

Her laughter was the only response I received for a moment. "No, Edward. Jake is not gay," she added after her laughs subsided into giggles.

I gripped the steering wheel, taking my frustration out of the leather. If he wasn't gay, then surely he was some skinny punk. "So, then he's some scrawny, pimply-faced kid."

"Jake is 6'5 and built like a tree."

I scoffed, my hands begin to ache from the pressure I was putting on the wheel. _'6'5'' and built like a tree?'_ I scoffed again. _'I could take him.'_

"Edward, you're scaring me. I think you're about to break off the wheel. Could you maybe relax your grip just a bit?" She said in a calm voice. Fuck. I was scaring her? What was _she_ doing to _me_?

"So, then, he's one of those guys who's neither here nor there. Asexual. I mean, his best friend is a girl, right? You've stayed friends, so obviously nothing happened between you two?" This was my last chance. Her last chance. Our last chance. Fuck, what was I talking about? Why was this so frustrating to me? Why did I care so much? I was thinking ten things at once, and yet nothing at all, and all this shit was making my head throb.

She sighed, and that noise did nothing good for me. "Edward, I think you might need to pull over for this part."

I did as she asked, my breathing slightly strained as I parked and kept my eyes set out into the darkness. I didn't feel anything until her warm hands were on mine, tugging. I relented, giving into feeling her. I let her hold my hands with her own, and that was enough to sedate me… for now.

"Edward, look at me," she whispered. I wasn't so sure I should, or even could. What would my face give away? How I was utterly confused by this irrational jealousy taking over me?

"This is going to be bad, isn't it?" I whispered back. I wasn't sure what 'it' was, but nothing about her tone pointed in a good direction.

"That depends," she replied vaguely. I tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths, but nothing seemed to work - until she began to grip my hands further and remind me that she was still here. I felt myself relax, bracing myself for whatever she had to tell me.

She continued on, describing her dating situation back home and being the daughter of the chief of police. So far, so good. I chuckled, probably a bit too tensely, but nothing seemed to be up yet. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe she was simply presuming this was a big deal.

When she began to describe what she was like as a teenager, I imagined her life and everything she went through growing up. I realized I still had a ton to learn about her - but later. Right now, we had something to get through.

She went on to speak about Jake… so far, a friendly face. No _real_ threat… she had another man in her life. That was to be expected. She squeezed my hands, keeping me in this calm mood… until she went on to talk about sitting outside in the dark. I was a teenage boy once. I knew what happened 'in the dark.' I tried to keep the nerves out of my expression, but something told me she knew. Well, _she_ told me she knew. Damn, maybe I was as easy to read as she was.

She squeezed my hands again, somehow bringing me back to reality, and I told her to continue. I was right. They had kissed - my mind flashed to every imaginable kiss I had ever given. I knew I was about to lose it, but then she went and stroked my ego, joking about our kisses. I let out a breath of relief, bringing her hands to my mouth and kissing her knuckles to remind her of those kisses.

She took that moment to bring up more kisses, and eventually him asking her to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and for some reason I couldn't breathe. She tried to reel me back in, but I wasn't sure my voice was very convincing as I told her to continue.

Then she warned me about 'a next part.' Was that supposed to make it easier? I let her know it would be best for me to know, that I would assume the worst if left to my own devices. Next was the cliché speech and justification for having sex from a lot of girls - she didn't want to get lose her virginity to some drunken frat boy. Great. In my mind, Jake _was_ a drunken frat boy.

I shut my eyes for a moment, keeping my emotions in check. I knew what was coming next, but I just didn't want to believe it.

"I lost my virginity to Jacob Black on New Year's Eve, the year I turned eighteen."

The squeezing got significantly tighter - even I knew that. I couldn't stop it, couldn't breathe, couldn't _think_. Did I really expect her to be a virgin? To not have been with someone before? Shit, she made _me_ - manwhore of the year - stop and drop everything for her. Why wouldn't some other guy have made it "there" first?

"Edward, I know you said you wouldn't hurt me, but you're coming dangerously close here." I snapped back to attention and loosened my grip, bringing her hands to my face. I pressed the warmth against my cheeks, trying to use that to calm me, like I had earlier.

"Damn," I cursed, the thoughts rushing through my mind.

"Are you okay?" she mumbled, pulling on my wrists and bringing _my_ hands to _her_ face. I cupped her cheeks, framing her small face in my hands - holding her like she was mine. _'Not yet… she wasn't _mine_ yet…'_

"I'm just… fuck… you still talk to this guy?" I asked, getting back to the topic at hand. I couldn't believe she was still friends with someone she had dated and slept with.

We went on to talk about where he was now, and how she was sure her feelings for him were completely friendly and nothing more. I had to stop myself from exploding when she talked about his feelings and the fact that they were still in _close_ and _physical_ contact. The ideas forming were none too pretty in my mind. I wasn't acting like myself, I knew it… but just the thoughts of someone this close to Bella were driving me insane. How could it be that she didn't have feelings for him?

I sensed her growing anger when she thought I didn't believe her. It wasn't that I didn't trust her - because I did. I took her hands again, trying to convey something I couldn't quite explain or understand myself. I told her how I wasn't used to this, how I never cared before. More so, I was just frustrated because this was a guy who she had known forever, had been in a relationship with, had _been_ with _period_. Where did that put a guy like me? How could I compare in her life to a guy like that?

Once I was done admitting my balls were completely disintegrated and that she had me in a total mindfuck, she reassured me that she wanted to be with _me_, not fucking Jake.

'_Take that, asshole.'_

--

The rest of the ride and walk up to her apartment was filled with quiet laughs and giggles. I almost lost it in my pants when she invited me in and started teasing me with her Spanish. That was a fantasy I'd have to make sure to fulfill with her.

We were sitting on the couch and I held her in my arms, kissing her as much as I could get away with. I put all my energy into it, trying to give her all the toe-curling kisses she could ever imagine - trying to erase _Jake_ from her mind. As I held her, I stroked her hair and cheek, internally debating what I was thinking of. It was an all-or-nothing shot, and I had never put myself out like this. All my moves were calculated, timed, but I needed to have her be _mine_. It wasn't enough that we were dating, nor that she was in my arms right now. I needed more, had to have more.

"Swan, I don't know what you've done to me. I can hardly recognize myself anymore, and that's a good thing," I said, receiving another one of my favorite smiles in response.

"Well, Cullen, I have to say that I don't recognize myself either. You've helped open my eyes to so many possibilities. You've reached in and found the passionate girl who's lain dormant my whole life." I had to grin at that. We had known each other for such a short period, and here she was talking about how much I had affected her - as much as she had affected me. Was this a sign?

"Bella, I know this is only our second date, but I hope you feel what I'm feeling, because I'm about to go out on a limb here and say something I've never said to another woman." I paused; whether it was to build the drama or to clear my nerves, I didn't know. "Bella Swan, will you be my girlfriend? - no, it's not because of what you just told me," I added quickly, knowing it was what she probably thought.

I stared at her as she blinked. She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Okay, maybe a little, but not in the way you think. I realized when I had that reaction that I must feel something for you that's more than I've ever felt for anyone. It's almost too much. I feel like my chest is going to explode." Even I had to admit it sounded lame, and we both burst into a healthy laugh.

"I feel the same way," she whispered as our laughs quieted.

The laughter stopped almost immediately and we were back to looking at each other again. I watched her with steady eyes as she moved closer to me, wiggling around. Stifling a chuckle, I waited as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Before I answer, you should know there are a couple of things I consider 'unforgivable acts.' If either of these happen, I will leave. It will be as if I'd never existed. You would have to agree not to try and contact me in any way, shape or form."

I froze. The entire light atmosphere - not to mention my pending answer - had disappeared. I gulped, nervous about what this would involve. I had never gone through this before, so whether this was normal territory or not was beyond me.

"Okay…."

"I've had a couple of friends who have been in abusive relationships, whether verbally or physically, and I've seen what it's done to them. They lost their self-esteem and I watched the life in their eyes extinguish." The utter look of defeat and pain that crossed her face shocked me. Did I really come off as an abusive person?

"Baby, I would never intentionally say or do anything to hurt you. Ever. And I would never - hear me clearly, _never_ - do anything to harm you physically." I kissed her palms gently, hoping the action would symbolize what I was saying. She never had to fear something like that with me, and I hoped she knew that.

"I know. I just need to put it out there. Sometimes it just happens. Two people start to hate each other without realizing it, you know? Pretty soon you're saying the most vile things… I saw some of that with my mom and dad. Some of the stuff two people who used to be in love can say to each other… after seeing that, I know I would have to get out before it got to that point."

I wrapped my arms around her, showing her I'd support her through this. I had never heard my parents be cruel to one another. Sure, they had fights like any married couple, but they've never said anything they'd regret. I wondered again at this strong woman before me and how I got so lucky. She leaned into me, relaxing and taking a deep breath, before pulling away slightly.

"The other thing is… cheating. I've even had guys tell me that if you take a man back after he's cheated, he'll see it as _carte blanche _to do it again."

_Something else_ I couldn't believe she expected of me. I knew she was aware of who I was, but that didn't mean I was a cheater. I tried more comforting massages like earlier, attempting to ease her.

"Bella, I wouldn't be taking this leap with you if I thought I'd go back to who I used to be…" I couldn't continue. She had to understand me; I didn't know what I was trying to say, how to prove it, how to show her.

"No, Edward. I don't mean it that way," she started. "I told you I would trust you, and I do. My philosophy is to trust people until they prove they can't be, okay?"

_That_ was what I liked to hear, and I could feel the strain of my wide smile. She trusted me. She meant it. She meant _yes_.

"I'd be telling this to any guy who asked me to be his girlfriend. I swear. I just need to let you know so there's no misunderstanding later. I mean, it's more than just the thought of it happening it again." While her tone started more lightly, she quickly lowered her voice. "Look how you reacted to my telling you about Jake. Imagine knowing that while we were a couple, I let another man touch me."

"Yeah, I see your point," I agreed, and I knew exactly what she was talking about. Because it was different. She wasn't just some girl I was sleeping with, and I wasn't just some guy she was sleeping with - there was more underneath that.

"You couldn't get the picture out of your head. Even if you didn't actually see it, you'd be imagining all sorts of things, right?" She prodded.

"Yes, I would. Of course, I'd hunt down the motherfucker and cut off his dick. That might make me feel better," I joked. We laughed again, and I was happy I was making this more comfortable for the both of us.

"Bella, I understand what you're saying and I think what you're saying is reasonable. As hard as it is for me to agree to never contact you, I want you to be mine, so I guess I just have to do everything in my power for those things never to happen, okay?" I opened my arms for her, wanting her to be as close as possible. She wiggled her way in, sitting in my lap, and I hugged her tightly. I breathed in her scent, felt her soft skin.

"Yes, Edward, I'll be your girlfriend," she murmured, muffled by my chest. Relief filled my every fiber and I pulled her into a kiss.

--

I had to do it. It had to be done. Done, it had to be. No matter how I said it, I wasn't sure I was fully convincing myself.

I decided to bring Bella to meet the family. I'd try to prepare both sides for what they would encounter. First, my family. It was our Sunday Dinner, something my mother, Esme, insisted kept our family unified. We were sitting at the table when I cleared my throat and waited for everyone to turn their attention to me.

"I have someone I'd like you guys to meet. She's someone I've been seeing for a month now, and she's very special to me," I started warily, though I tried to sound confident.

All eyes were on me suddenly. I shouldn't have been uncomfortable, but it was a bit unnerving. "Yeah, I know. You never thought it would happen. Why don't we get all the ribbing out of the way now so I can enjoy the rest of my meal?"

"Son, I'm proud of you," Carlisle said. I looked at him, my eyebrows raised and my jaw slightly slacked. "I was hoping you'd meet someone who would capture your heart. I know you've kept your dating life a secret from us for our own preservation, but I have a feeling I know what's been happening."

So my family knew I was a manwhore. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Esme put her hand over mine, breaking me out of my reverie. "Honey, don't be embarrassed. We figured it was just something you had to do. A lot of young boys go through this phase. We're just glad you found someone." She smiled warmly, and I couldn't believe she just called me a "young boy."

Emmett let out a guffaw. "It's about damn time, little brother!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Wow, Edward. I never thought I'd see the day. I figured you'd stay in a suspended state of adolescence."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Rosie," I scoffed. She let out a faux innocent giggle before smirking.

Alice glared, her eyes burning. "Great! I've been waiting for you to get a girlfriend I can actually spend time with. Now I find out you've been keeping her hidden for a month! There's only so long I can stand Rose," she teased, tossing a smile at Rosalie who responded by mimicking her expression.

"Alice, you'll get your hooks into her soon enough. Just try not to overwhelm her, okay? She doesn't like a lot of attention and fawning and I know those are your specialties," I instructed. Lord, listen to me. I was _instructing_ now. I couldn't believe I was this… _afraid_ of Bella meeting my family.

"Fine. When do we get to meet her?" she continued.

"Well, I still have to ask her, but I was hoping to bring her to dinner next Sunday," I answered, still trying to imagine all the possible outcomes.

My whole family seemed thrilled with the idea. Now I just had to convince Bella.

* * *

**LM**: Alright, please review and leave us kind words of kindly kindness. Redundancy for effect. We do also have the Twilighted thread, so pop in over there as well.

Thanks again to awesome sauce _Bronzehairedgirl620_. U R awesome sauce. Read her work; if you haven't… there's something wrong with you. She's Fireward's (Fireman Edward, from Stop, Drop and Roll) creator! And she writes Hourglass, which is undoubtedly the best fanfic ever. Go read it. Now. Before you do anything else. She's also my cohost for the "Bookward - Off The Pages" contest. Check that out as well!

A recommendation I want to make… Malevolence & Martyrdom by _Risque Tendencies_ - holy frick! Second best fan fiction EVER. Go read it. It's amazing. Dark, snark, beautifully written. Alright, I'll stop my AN here and just give you the important links. Thanks again.

_HG: http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/4823300/1/_

_SDR: http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/4413802/1/_

_M&M: http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5175109/1/_

_Bookward contest: __http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/u/1981556/_

**IG: **Thank you, Leon!

**OK, sorry, but I've got lots to say here:**

First and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone who voted for "Firetrucks, Burgers and Vegetarians". Voting begins today for the third and final round.

Second, someone nominated Unforgivable Act for an _**Indie TwiFic**_ _**Award**_. I don't know who you are, but I am humbled and thankful. I was so happy to get that PM.

I will put a link up in my profile, but Leon does have it on his. First round of voting is July 8 – 12. http : // indietwificawards dot com

Now is the time I thank my Swolled-up Head Committee. These are the people who make it impossible for me to get through doorways due to the oversized noggin they have given me.

**farkle** - who I'm still trying to lure back to L.A. with promises of Johnny Rockets malts and Versailles garlic chicken. Hope springs eternal.

**KiyaRaven** – What can I say? I have searched the dictionary for superlatives to the words "perfection" and "brilliant" and "goddess" and alas, Webster hasn't come up with them yet, so I must settle for words that cannot fully express your awesomeness.

**InsaneGrizzlies **– Thanks for the support. Please check her profile for our co-written Jasper/Alice fic "Brilliant and Dangerous". We are having so much fun writing it!

**silver sniper of light** – Thanks for everything. Please show this girl some love. She deserves it.

**hopefulhappenings09** – Thanks for letting me pretend to be a silly teenager. I'm so glad you reviewed my story and I found yours and your sexy mf'n Edward.


	7. Meet the Parents

**IG A/N**: Thank you farkle, my betarkle, for getting this back to me so fast and pointing out the places I may have missed for the funny.

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**Meet the Parents**

_BPOV_

I was trying to breathe normally. The urge to put my head between my legs so I didn't pass out was very strong. I tried to resist.

"You told them about me? _All_ of them?" My voice was hitting octaves I didn't know I could reach.

"Well, except for Jasper. He was working late and couldn't make it to the dinner," he said with a smirk on his face.

"Oh, har de har har. Laugh it up, Chuckles. We'll see how damn funny it is when you get to meet Chief Swan and his trusty six-shooter." I looked up at him. The smirk was gone. Mission accomplished.

He blew out a breath. "I figure it's best to get this over with quickly. My whole family – we're all into everyone's business. Shit, they even know about my… history." He looked down, ashamed. Okay, now I felt bad.

I reached out and took his hand. "Hey, I'm sorry for overreacting. It's just that, well, first of all, I'm an only child and my parents divorced when I was very young, so 'family dinner' is sort of an alien concept to me. If I didn't cook, it was 'let's get some pizza' and when he finished, Charlie would sit down on the couch to watch the game." Edward laughed, so I continued.

"Second, I really _hate_ being the center of attention, and I know I'm going to be under a microscope. Especially if… wait… have you ever brought a girl home to meet the family?" I already knew the answer, but I just needed it verified.

He looked me dead in the eye, still holding my hand as he began rubbing his thumb across it. "I'm not going to lie. I've never brought a girl home to meet the family. This is a pretty big deal – for them and for me."

I gave a nervous laugh. "No pressure on me or anything, right?"

"Not at all," he guffawed.

"Give me a minute to wrap my head around this, okay?" I got up and started pacing.

"Sure," he said, as he lied down on the bench, put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.

It was another beautiful day in L.A. He had taken me back to Franklin Park for this discussion, possibly because it was so quiet and peaceful here. If I had totally freaked out, the only creatures who would have been offended were the squirrels and the birds.

I tried to calm myself down, more for him than myself. I figured I could have a really good freak out later when I got home.

I had to look at this as a positive. He wanted to take me home to meet his family. He'd never done that before. He was really trying to do the relationship thing, and the boy didn't do anything half-assed. This was no exception.

I had already decided to embrace Adventurous Girl and this was a big test for me. It meant going further out of my comfort zone. If he was putting forth the effort, so would I. I could do this for him. I walked over and crouched down, my face inches from his, and stared at this beautiful man who threw away his rulebook for me. Who gave up hot and cold running women for me. Who wanted to declare to the world that I was his and he was mine.

"Hey," I said quietly. He opened his eyes and looked into mine, searching for what he wanted to see. He must have found it, because he gave me one of his real breathtaking smiles. I leaned over and softly kissed his beautiful lips.

"Thank you," was all he said.

--

This was where having a best girlfriend would come in handy. What did I know about 'clothes to wear to meet your boyfriend's rich family'? I looked through my rather small closet.

'_Let's see… hoodie… hoodie… sweatshirt… jeans… CRAP! Have I not been to a special occasion at all? Weddings? Bar Mitzvah's? I must have _something_ that doesn't look like I bought it in a thrift store!'_

I kept looking at the clothes, willing my fairy godmother to come along and get the mice to make me a beautiful dress. _'It's a good thing I started looking for something this morning, because now I have time to go shoooo… shoooooppp… I can't even think it.'_ Just then my phone started buzzing.

I stalked over to the phone, looked at the caller ID, and punched the button hard. "What is it, Cullen!" I snapped.

"Whoa! What did I do now, Swan?" he asked, laughing at me.

"I have to go meet my boyfriend's parents tonight and it's going to look like he picked up a girl at a homeless shelter!" I shot back, throwing up my arm. I heard a high-pitched voice in the background. It sounded like a kid hyped up on sugar.

"Is that her? Is that her?" I could practically hear the bouncing.

"Yes, it's her. She's yelling at me because she doesn't have anything to wear tonight, like it's my fault," he said, sending me an indirect message.

"CULLEN!" I raged. "Who are you telling this to?"

"My sis – HEY! What are you doing?" He sounded further away from the phone.

Then... "Is this Bella?"

"Yeeeeesss…" I answered cautiously. Was he about to say 'sister'? '_Perfect! She probably thinks I'm some raving bitch, yelling at her brother for something this stupid and obviously not his fault.'_

"This is Alice Cullen."

'_Shit! His sister, the famous designer, is going to chew me out now. I haven't even gotten to the dinner yet and already I'm fucking up royally. Way to put your foot in it, Swan. Apologize and maybe she'll go easy on you.'_

"Alice! I'm sorry for yelling at Edward, it's just that…" I trailed off, dropping my cheek against the table. I could feel my face burning and the desire to act like an ostrich was overpowering. If only I could find a ditch somewhere to bury my…

"Oh please, Bella! Yelling at Edward is kind of a hobby around here at the Cullen household. You'll fit right in." I heard an annoyed curse come from a distance, followed by her laughter.

"Oh, then…"

"We've got much more important things to worry about. Namely, your fashion emergency. Don't worry about what to wear. Just tell me your size, height and hair color, and I'll have Edward bring over something that's perfect for you." The way she said it, I didn't feel I had room to argue.

"I'm a size five, and I'm five foot four with brown hair," I said sheepishly.

"Excellent! I'm really looking forward to meeting you! I can't wait! Edward's told us almost nothing about you, but you know how men are. Plus, he's one moody little bi--" She was cut off and I heard some shuffling, bickering, and forcing before Edward's voice came on the line.

"Thank you, Alice. You've done enough. Just get me the dress and I'll bring it to Bella." He sighed straight into the speaker.

I laughed and then heard in the background, "Make _sure_ you get it to her in enough time to get ready, Edward! Remember, she's a _girl_!"

"That's just a taste of what you'll be experiencing tonight." He sounded strained.

I laughed to set him at ease. "Don't worry about it. I'm going to be a little trooper, you just wait."

"I'm so sorry I'm subjecting you to this," he said dejectedly.

"Hey, none of that. We'll get through this together, _Boyfriend_," I teased, with false bravado. I was still nervous. I was hoping being in his presence would awaken that inner confident girl around his family. I wasn't so sure I'd get through this otherwise.

"Well, okay then, _Girlfriend_," he laughed out. "I'll come by around three o'clock."

"See you then." I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, even though I felt like tonight I was going to the gallows.

--

"Edward, why is this driveway longer than the street I live on?" I asked, looking around and waiting for the house to come into view.

I must have looked really nervous, because he stopped the car before we got to the house. I looked down at our conjoined hands and realized I had him in a death grip. That may have been his first clue I was a little nervous.

"Look at me, Swan." I pulled my eyes up to look at him. "They're going to love you. The only thing you have to fear is that they may be a little… _exuberant_ in showing that love. From what you've told me about your dad, there wasn't a whole lot of physical affection in your relationship, right?"

"If by 'not a whole lot,' you mean almost none at all, then yes," I admitted.

"Well, get ready for the hugging. It's what they do. Now, about your 'long driveway' comment - our house is big. There are expensive things in it. That doesn't mean my family will think you're not worthy," he comforted, once again addressing my fears without my having to express them.

"Thank you, Edward. I know it seems like I'm overreacting, but this experience is so far apart from my world that I can't even relate to it," I confessed, dropping my gaze.

"I know. I am positive everything will go okay tonight. My family can be a bit strange, but we don't judge and we're not mean." This man is so wonderful.

I hugged him. "Thank you, Edward. I appreciate that you're really trying to make this as easy as you can on me." I looked at him now with what I hoped was my brave face. I guess it worked, because he started the car again and continued up the long-ass driveway.

He did try to prepare me, but really, how did one prepare for her boyfriend's family's huge mansion? You couldn't. You just bite the bullet and have faith and get the hell over yourself and your insecurities and your sheltered little existence and march up the front steps like a grown-up and _deal_. So I did just that.

We walked into the house holding hands. This helped steady me even more. I tried not to look around too much. It would only make the anxiety worse.

"Mom!" he called out, giving me a comforting smile. Esme came in from the kitchen. She was beautiful, ethereal. The warmth in her eyes was unmistakable.

"Edward, this must be the lovely Bella," she said in a reverential tone.

Edward beamed. "Yes it is, mom."

She came over and gave me possibly the best hug I'd ever received in my life.

"It is so nice to meet you dear." She looked at me as if I held the answers to some important questions of the universe.

"It's nice to meet you, ma'am," I said.

She laughed and it was glorious. "There's no ma'am and sir around here! We don't believe in formalities. I'm Esme and my husband is Carlisle."

At the mention of his name, Edward's dad descended the stairs. '_Wow, I can see where Edward got his good looks_.' Dad was an extremely handsome man.

"Well hello, Bella," he said, also coming over to give me a hug which, strangely enough, felt really protective. I couldn't believe I had just met these people and yet felt so much love and assurance. It really helped ease me into the evening. I glanced at Edward and he almost looked… proud.

"It's nice to meet you… Carlisle." I was not used to addressing other people's parents so informally. Even though I always called my dad by his first name, my parents raised me to treat my elders with respect. It took some effort.

"She's quite a beauty, Edward." He smiled at his son.

Edward squeezed me. "Yes she is, dad." He looked down at me and if I ever had a doubt about how Edward felt about me, I'd just have to remember the look on his face at this moment.

Suddenly, a tiny girl with black spiky hair came busting in, dragging a beautiful blonde guy behind her.

"BELLA!" she squealed and came rushing at me. She hugged me as if I was her long-lost relative. I had to laugh. She pulled away.

"Oh good! The dress fits you perfectly! I knew that color blue would go great with your hair. Look at your skin! What I wouldn't give for a peaches and cream complexion like yours!"

"Thanks so much for the dress, Alice. I hope this doesn't mean some poor starlet is walking down the red carpet in her underwear!"

A booming voice came from behind her. "Well, now that would be one awards show I wouldn't miss!"

"Emmett!" Esme scolded. "Behave! We have company!"

He laughed hard. "She's Eddie's girlfriend. Don't you think she's used to – OW!"

I looked up and saw a big huge teddy bear of a guy with dimples and black curly hair, and behind him some kind of blonde Amazon Aphrodite with blue eyes who looked like she just stepped off a runway. The reason he stopped talking is because she had just smacked him on the back of the head.

"Geez, Rose!" he said petulantly.

"Aww…be quiet, ya big baby!" Amazon Woman said.

Alice ignored them. "Well, I also have to thank you because you saved me from shopping."

She frowned deeply. It didn't look like it came naturally to her. "You don't like shopping?"

"I try to avoid it at all costs," I said, which was actually an understatement.

Alice shook it off quickly. "Well, I have plenty of time to cure you of your shopping phobia!"

The blonde guy laughed and said, "Alice, if anything, you'll make her fear it more."

She turned to him. "You just wait and see, honey!" She turned back to me. "Bella, this is Jasper, my husband." Jasper was tall and lanky and blonde, a stark contrast to his tiny dark-haired pixie partner, yet they looked like they belonged together. He held out his hand.

"How do you do. Sorry about my wife. She's pretty much like this all the time," he said jokingly.

Alice punched him lightly in the arm. "I can't help it if I'm naturally happy!" she exclaimed.

"More like caffeinated," Edward smirked. Alice glared at him, but I could tell she wasn't really upset.

"It's okay. Sometimes I think I'm too reserved," I said shyly.

Jasper nodded. "Alice often refers to me as 'stick in the mud.'" He winked.

"I highly doubt that," I said, blushing. He smiled warmly at me. He had a calmness about him that I found very comforting. '_Maybe it's because he's a therapist. He's good at just sitting back and making people feel okay about spilling their problems.'_

Emmett laughed and walked over. "Yeah, you wouldn't say that if you were the one trying to get him out into the daylight while he's online with his friends doing civil war reenactments!"

"It's very educational," Jasper said, but not defensively. He seemed used to Emmett's ribbing, as did everyone.

"See what I mean?" he said playfully, raising his eyebrows.

He introduced himself. "I'm Emmett." He enveloped me in a big warm hug. He was quite gentle for a guy his size. "So, you're a cute little thing and you seem normal. What are you doing with Eddie here?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Em," he said.

I couldn't help but laugh at Emmett. "He was really… persistent," I said, jabbing Edward with my elbow.

"Edward has a way of wearing people down," Carlisle said, and everyone seemed to agree with the assessment.

"Well it sure doesn't have anything to do with his charm, because he doesn't have any. All of it went to me," said Emmett.

"Okay, if we're done trying to make me look bad in front of my girlfriend, while scaring the life out of her with your craziness, why don't we break this up and get dinner going. I'm starved," Edward grumbled.

Everyone followed Esme back into the kitchen. Edward handed me a stack of plates and I went to put them on the table. Amazon woman came up to me with the napkins, putting them beside the plates. The others were busy with the silverware and glasses.

"I'm Rosalie, Emmett's wife. I understand you're a writer," she said.

"Yes. I freelance. Edward told me you write for _Car and Driver_." Thank God I had a decent memory. She smiled.

"Yes I do! Maybe you can do an article for us!"

I snorted. "I probably couldn't point out an engine if you paid me a million bucks and I don't think your readers would appreciate the words 'thingy' or 'whatchamacallit' in place of the actual name for the car part." She cocked an eyebrow and I grinned sheepishly. "My friend Jake tried teaching me. He's a mechanic and a whiz with cars. I used to sit in his garage and watch him build them and still I didn't learn a thing. You'd probably really like him." I was cut off by a loud coughing and slapping sound.

I turned to see Emmett slapping Edward on the back, his face bright-red and eyes tweaked with annoyance. I rolled my eyes and stifled a chuckle.

Rosalie laughed and it sounded so pretty. As a matter of fact, I looked around the room and noticed I was surrounded by very very pretty people with melodic voices and grace I could only dream about. How the hell did I wind up here?

--

What could have been an awkward situation went very well. It helped that I sat next to Edward, and he always kept my hand in his, instinctively knowing I needed the reassurance.

Emmett ate twice his weight in food. Alice bounced in her chair and asked me so many questions that I think she knew my blood type by the end of the evening.

Carlisle continued to be the picture of charm. He and Emmett talked about their work. This led to talk of Edward going to medical school when the fall quarter started. Esme was beautiful and gracious. Afterward, the whole family pitched in and helped clean up. They worked as a team in an almost synchronized fashion, almost like a ballet. It was amazing to watch.

We were getting ready to leave when Emmett came up behind me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Well, Bella, after talking to you I am even more convinced you're way too good for our Eddie here," he chuckled. I looked over at Edward, who was standing by the door.

"That may be true, Em, but now that I have her, I'm not letting her get away." I began to glow my usual red.

"You're making her blush, Eddie!" he said, looking down at me with an amused expression.

"Everything makes her blush. It's adorable." This only made me blush further.

Emmett looked at me and laughed loudly. "You're right!"

Alice came bounding up to me and hugged me even more fiercely than when I first came in, if that were possible.

"Oh Bella! I'm so happy for Edward! You two are a perfect match!" Her smile knocked my socks off.

"Thank you Alice. I think so too." I looked up at Edward cautiously, afraid I'd said too much, but his face told me he was more than pleased with what I said. I smiled back at him, then looked back at Alice who had a knowing expression on her face.

"Yep, perfect," she stated, almost smugly.

Jasper came walking up, putting his arm around Alice. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Bella."

Esme came over and hugged me again. She whispered in my ear, "Thank you for putting that smile on my son's face. It's been a while since I've seen him so genuinely happy."

I could barely form words at that point. I got a little choked up. "Thank you so much for inviting me to your lovely home. You've all made me feel very welcome," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

"Anytime, dear," she said.

Carlisle gave me a hug too. "Please consider our home your home. You're always welcome here."

"Yeah, we like you better than Eddie!" Emmett chimed in. Rosalie rolled her eyes and came over to hug me as well.

"Hey, if you ever figure out what the car parts are called, let me know!"

"Yeah, don't hold your breath. I told you what happened when my friend," I caught myself from saying 'Jake,' "tried. My eyes just glazed over while he was giving his lesson. I might have even fallen asleep." They all laughed again and I looked around at the beautiful people who were treating me like family and I think I blushed again, because I just couldn't help it.

I joined Edward at the door where we waved our goodbyes and headed out. He put his arm around me and held me so close as we walked to the car, we were almost one person.

We got to the car and he opened the door for me and made sure I got in okay. Once again, he put on my seatbelt, but this time it seemed like he was making sure some precious cargo was safe.

He looked into my eyes when he was done and I couldn't help but marvel at the transformation of this man that had taken place in such a short time. When I first looked at this guy, he was a smug, arrogant skirt-chaser. The man who looked at me now was none of those things. Feelings welled up in me that I'd never had before.

He didn't say anything. He just took my face in his hands, looked into my eyes for a few moments, and then kissed me so sweetly. We had not shared a kiss like this. It was perfect. We finally broke apart, but our breathing wasn't ragged. We were almost breathing as one.

He put his forehead to mine.

"I've never kissed a girl like that – ever," he said, his voice choked. "I've never felt anything that intensely before." He pulled away and looked into my eyes again. "It's like I was shutting off my feelings for so long, just looking for experiences, almost like an adrenaline rush. I wanted excitement. I thought people who settled for one person were boring and headed for the rocking chair. I thought they didn't want to experience life anymore. I didn't realize I was the one who wasn't living."

"Oh my God, Edward… that is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm having trouble breathing right now. You make me so happy," I blubbered out.

"You make me happy too. Happier than I've ever been. Watching you with my family tonight, the way they accepted you, the way you just went with it and joked with them, even though I knew how frightened you were, just lets me know I chose the right girl," he said in a hushed tone.

"Edward, meeting your family and seeing how much they love you and how they treated me, making me feel like I was one of you, just lets me know I chose the right boy," I said, hoping my eyes and inadequate words could fully express the enormity of what I was feeling.

He nodded, hugged me and gave me one more peck on the lips, before he got into the driver's seat. We held hands the whole way back to my place, not having to say a word to each other.

* * *

**OK on to the Thank You's:**

**Leon** Thanks for the fantabulous EPOV chapter. I know a lot of the readers were glad to find out what was in his damn head!

**Just4ALE **To you and the other nailbiters out there waiting for the other shoe to drop, I promise I WILL warn you when/if the heartfail is coming! You'll probably know by the chapter title alone.

**My Swolled-Head Committee:**

**farkle **who always encourages me and dangles the possibility of moving here in my face. My "gang of people getting you to move here" is growing daily. We will win. Then we can both be CCB's. You rock my world. Your sage wisdom regarding geese may even save my life.

**KiyaRaven** I don't know what to say anymore. My thanks are not enough. My undying love and devotion don't feel like enough. I just hope, like Bella, my inadequate words fully express the enormity of what I'm feeling. I am your Catty-Wan for as long as you'll have me.

**silver sniper of night** thanks for everything. Soon the world will know your brilliance.

**hopefulhappenings09 **who has to wait two weeks for her new laptop battery and is probably bald by now from pulling the hair outta her head.

**Story recommendations:**

**Art School Confidential by **_**farkle**_ Edward is a naked model! Edward! Naked! In the first chapter! What are you waiting for???

**A Taste of Dark by **_**silver **__**sniper of night **_Bella is a vampire and Edward is her singer.

**Eye Contact by **_**silver sniper of night**_ Edward has Aspergers. Bella does not. It is already shaping up to be one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever read. Really original. I love this story so so so much.

**Appassionata by **_**lisa89**_ Get private piano lessons from Edward Cullen!


	8. Grand Gesture

Thank you to my Boo, farkle, for her betarkleness. More notes at bottom, including a grand apology

#####

EPOV

If someone had told me that one day I would fall hard and fast for a girl I saw in a coffee house, I would have laughed in their face. I was Edward Cullen, ladies' man. I didn't just fall for women, and certainly wouldn't go out of my way to pursue them, no matter how hot they were. I didn't need to commit to someone to get what I needed. Relationships were a hassle.

Turns out, I was completely wrong. Bella had changed my entire way of thinking, and made me go against all my ideas about myself and relationships. Somehow though, I really didn't care. The more time I spent with her, the less time I wanted to be apart. I was _that_ guy; the one who bought flowers for no reason, surprised her for lunch dates, and got a high from her smile. I was a cliché and ridiculous and fucking in love with my brown-eyed girl. I just had to grow a pair and actually tell her.

I knew I needed to do something; some grand gesture. Everything I'd thought of over the past few weeks had ended up seeming incredibly stupid or cheesy. I'd finally settled on something I hoped was romantic, or at least would show Bella how much I cared for her.

I still felt like a jerk for how our relationship had begun, and the person I'd been before I met her. Bella had been cautious in the first couple of months of our relationship, and I didn't really blame her. My reputation wasn't exactly wonderful, but she was willing to trust me, emotionally and physically. She'd never really had a relationship before, except with that friend of hers- Jacob - which was still a sore subject for me. The thought of any other guy touching my girl was unacceptable.

A part of me knew it was irrational to want to beat down a guy I'd never met and who was part of Bella's life before she'd even met me, but I just couldn't help it. Then I remembered she was my girl now. I was the only one who could touch her, kiss her, and make love to her.

I'd never really connected the physical and emotional aspects of a relationship before I met Bella. Sex was just for pleasure, and a selfish one at that. With Bella, everything was different, even from the very first time we were together. None of my past experiences compared with what it was like to be with her, and she told me she felt the same.

Despite how secure I was about us, the fact that Jacob was still a part of her life bothered me. Considering that Bella and I spent so much time together, I was going to have to deal with him at some point. She'd already hinted she wanted me to meet her father, something that scared the shit out of me, but somehow made me happy. It showed that she was serious about us, and considering how deep my own feelings were for her, this was encouraging. On the other hand, I'd never met a girl's parents before, and from what Bella told me, her father was the protective type. First impressions weren't my strong point, so I wasn't exactly looking forward to it.

I was brought from my thoughts by my ringing phone. I picked it up, grinning pathetically as Bella's name lit up the screen.

"Hey, Swan," I said, falling back on old habits and trying to make it seem like I wasn't completely ecstatic.

Bella laughed. "Cullen," she greeted me, "I'm on my way home now. Care to enlighten me on what you have in store?"

"Please, do you really think I'll give in that easily?" I teased as I could feel her smiling at our usual banter. She didn't like not having all the information, and I had a thing for surprises. We'd had this exact discussion many a time, and probably would again the next time I wanted to surprise her. I didn't mind at all.

"Fine. You're picking me up at five, right?"

"That's right. I'll see you later,"

We said our goodbyes and I hung up, with me feeling both nervous and excited for what I was going to do. I could do this; I could tell her I loved her.

#~#~#

"The park?"

I nodded, smiling and took her hand as we approached the place where we'd gone on our first date. Since my usual surprises were more extravagant, she was probably shocked at the simplicity of the location, but I thought this would hold more meaning for her than going to a five-star restaurant, especially since she wasn't a five-star restaurant kind of girl. She tolerated my taste for the finer things, but our first official date at that little pizza place was still one of the best times we'd had together. I was hoping I was about to top it.

She seemed perfectly content as we walked together, swinging our joined hands as she talked. Despite how nervous I was, there was something soothing about the situation, just being with Bella this way. It felt easy, almost carefree as we walked and talked about anything and everything.

Yet every now and then the anxiety of what I was about to do crept back in. I didn't want to screw this up. I didn't know how Bella would react to my confession, and my fear made me feel like a total coward. I knew that Bella cared for me, and even if she didn't return my feelings, I knew that I had to tell her. We'd come this far, so we could deal with what came next... at least I hoped we could.

"Edward?"

I jumped, realizing that I'd been so lost in my thoughts I didn't realize she'd stopped walking and I hadn't heard anything she was saying. After a moment, she led us over to a bench in the middle of a little picnic area.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

My voice stuck in my throat. This was the perfect opportunity to say it, but the pressure of the moment rendered me mute and I froze.

"Edward? Talk to me, please," Bella said, looking concerned, but not afraid. I suddenly felt like a total idiot.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just... I wanted to... fuck, why can I not do this right?" I moaned, my head falling back in annoyance.

"Do what right?" she asked, and for the first time I heard apprehension creep into her voice. I righted myself and picked up her hand. She was eyeing me warily, not surprising considering I was babbling and acting like a crazy person.

"I had this all figured out. I wanted to make everything perfect so that I could tell you..." I paused, realizing that I'd let my mouth run and was just about to say it without even thinking. I wanted to bang my head against the bench, because, really it was that easy.

Instead, I smiled, leaned in and kissed her softly. She was still looking at me like I was an utter madman, but I was too high on my realization to care.

"I love you, Bella Swan. I just apparently have to say it in the most awkward way possible."

Bella blinked, sitting completely still for a moment. Then, without warning, she threw her arms around my neck, almost knocking me off-balance. I steadied us as she pulled away, and then she kissed me hard.

"I love you too," she replied, her eyes a little glassy and a smile lighting up her face.

I laughed, pulling her back to me and kissing her again, not caring that we were in the middle of the park. All that mattered was right here in my arms.

#~#~#

Charlie Swan owned a lot of guns. He'd proudly shown me his collection almost as soon as Bella and I had entered the house. She rolled her eyes, obviously amused at his enthusiasm, but didn't say anything. At first I wasn't sure if it was an intimidation tactic or he just liked to talk about guns. Turns out it was the latter, seeing as almost all our following conversations had some sort of relation to them.

Meeting Bella's father was not as nerve-wracking as I'd thought it would be. Chief Swan wasn't one for deep and meaningful conversations, but it was obvious how much he cared for his daughter. He had every school picture lined up on the wall, and I spent a good ten minutes teasing Bella about a few of them. She was adorable, even in braces and a disastrous perm that her mother has done for her.

I managed to make it through the visit without messing up. I was particularly proud that I seemed to have mastered the appropriate amount of PDA we were allowed to exhibit in front of her father. It was almost impossible for me to keep my hands off Bella normally, but I'd managed to keep it down to a rare kiss on the temple or cheek, and holding her hand. I couldn't not touch her; that was out of the question. Charlie didn't say anything though, and I liked to think that the few glances he sent our way were approving.

The evening had been going along fine. Until Jacob turned up, completely out of the blue. Charlie didn't seem to mind, ushering him inside and treating him like his long-lost son.

"The games on in ten," Charlie said as soon as he was through the door.

"I have beer," he said, a practiced response.

"Good boy," Charlie said with a nod before returning to his chair.

"Hey Bella, thought I'd swing by and say hello."

I was momentarily shocked by his appearance. The guy was huge, towering over me, and at least double my size. He was all muscle and charm and I felt pretty tiny and insignificant next to him; an unusual sensation for me.

Bella hugged him in return, causing me to dig my nails into my palms. He was touching my Bella. Okay, so she hugged him quickly, then returned to my side and wrapped an arm around me, but still. Jacob eyed me, a smirk on his face. It disappeared when I kissed Bella's hair, my eyes on him the whole time.

"Who's the guy, Bells? Didn't know you were inviting a friend," he said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Friend," my ass. I opened my mouth to correct him, but Bella beat me to it.

"This is my boyfriend, Edward," she explained patiently, a small smile emerging as she said my name. I grinned and held out my hand to Jacob. He eyed it for a moment, but finally shook it. I tried not to wince as he crushed my fingers.

"Nice to meet you, Eddie," he said, before walking past us, not forgetting to knock my shoulder as he did. I stumbled, and turned.

"Edward!" I called after him, causing Bella to giggle.

"I think I like 'Eddie.' Might replace 'Cullen,'" she said with a laugh, before kissing me, and leaving me feeling a little irritated, but pretty satisfied. I could deal with "Eddie." As long as it was only Bella saying it.

#~#~#

I sat at the kitchen table, staring at the schedule in front of me. No matter what angle I came at it from, at best, we'd only hit a few hours a week.

"Anything?"

"No, I don't see how this can work," I sighed. Bella poured us some coffee before she came and sat down.

"What are we going to do?" she asked moving over to sit next to me, patting my knee and rubbing it sympathetically. I sighed and rubbed my face, feeling the effects of my lack of sleep ever since fall arrived.

With my final prep work for med school and Bella's freelance work, it seemed like we'd barely have enough time to see each other. She also had her book to think about, and there was no doubt I would be spending my free time either sleeping or studying. There didn't seem to be a solution to this. Except...

"I… I have something to say," Bella said suddenly, nervous yet determined, "but you need to hear me out."

I smiled and leaned in, kissing her quickly before pulling back. "Anything. Let's hear it."

"All right, so… we've been at this for about six months now. And…I don't know about you," she said hesitantly, and I groaned and rolled my eyes before she continued, "but I'm thinking I'm in this for the long-haul. I already told you I would put everything on the table and not hold back."

I nodded, keeping the smile in check because her long-winded speeches always got to me, and motioned that I understood and agreed.

"Okay… with that in mind, I was thinking…" She paused again, looking at me with uncertain eyes.

"You were thinking…" I prompted.

"I was thinking… we could move in together. Like… a real couple who's going somewhere?" she suggested, peering up at me as if waiting for me to run for the hills.

My jaw dropped and I stared at her bright, brown eyes as she waited for me to respond, but I couldn't seem to form any reply. How did she guess what I was thinking?

"You… want to move in. Together? With me? Like… living together?" I clarified, my brain still not functioning properly. She lightly punched me in the arm and laughed.

"Yes, Cullen. With you. Living togeth-"

She was going to continue mocking me, but I had already pushed her onto the table and cut her off with my lips. I gripped her face in my hands, holding her to me as I showed her exactly how I felt about that idea.

We pulled apart slowly, still kissing until our foreheads were touching.

"So," she panted, clearing her throat and trying to smirk at me smugly, but failing, "I take that as a yes?"

I chuckled at her smug expression and attacked her again.

###

"Edward, where do you want me to put this?" Emmett called as he carried in one of Bella's boxes marked "Books."

One week had passed since we agreed to move in together, and gone over all the details, making sure this is what we wanted. It was also one week until I had to start classes at UCLA. One week…

"Over there," I told him, pointing near the newly-installed bookshelf.

Bella and I decided it would be better to live in my place, what with the rent control and central location to both my school and her favorite café, the one we'd met at once upon a time. Not to mention the size and the lack of her home furnishings.

Bella came in, followed by a chattering Alice who was still overly excited that we were "finally" moving in together.

"Alice, it's fine, we don't need…" but as soon as she saw me, surely looking like a sweaty idiot in my t-shirt and panting from all the heavy lifting we'd been doing since the morning, she stopped and smiled brightly, practically skipping over to me and into my arms.

"Well, hello to you, too," I laughed between her kisses. "What brought that on?"

"Oh, nothing," she smiled back, letting go of me and then cringing as she realized she touched my damp clothing. "Ew, please tell me you're going to shower soon."

I scoffed playfully. "Right now. I was just waiting until you came so you could take over all the work."

She smacked me on my shoulder. "Chivalry lives, I see."

"What can I say? Now that I have you right where I want you, I can just give up trying," I teased. "The smooth, toe-curling, knee-weakening man you once knew was all an act. Come on, beer belly!"

She glared and turned to move away from me quickly, but I caught her around the waist and pulled her back to me, leaning down to kiss her neck.

"Just kidding… for now."

I laughed against her skin as she tried to elbow me, only to have me grip her wrist. Just as I was about to go in for another kiss, Emmett and Alice made gagging sounds.

"Please, we'd rather not see it, hear it, or know it happens," Alice commented as she glared at the both of us. I sent her the Evil Eye in return.

"You don't need to be here," I shot back. Bella wiggled herself from my grasp and stood in between the two of us.

"Now, now, come on. No fighting, please," she chided humorously. "The sooner we finish," she whispered as she took another step forward and spoke only to me as the others faded into the background, "the sooner they leave."

I grinned, liking the sound of that.

"Okay people," I shouted in a commanding voice as soon as Jasper walked in with another box, "we're on a schedule. Boxes need to come in, be put down, and you need to leave. Now."

All eyebrows raised, with the exception of giggling Bella's, but my glower and stern, fierce look at my family members quickly put them in line as they saw that I was in no joking mood. It didn't take long before all the boxes were piled somewhere in the apartment.

"Thanks for all the help, see you at Thanksgiving!" I called after them as I kicked the door shut on their asses and turned to stare at Bella sitting on the couch. I leaned against the door and crossed my arms. "Well, well, well… fancy meeting you here."

She laughed that perfect fucking laugh, and rolled her eyes. "I don't know about you," she reprimanded as soon as I bee-lined toward her to grab her hips, "but I need to take a shower…" she trailed off suggestively with a tilt of her head.

I smiled and cocked my eyebrow. "Are you offering to… conserve water and shower together?"

She snorted and pushed me away. "I don't think so," she laughed after seeing my dropped jaw and annoyed expression before walking over to one of her boxes and grabbing a towel and a change of clothes. "I'm going to enjoy a nice bath by myself while you enjoy your final minutes alone, because you're mine now," she winked and my grin was back, though I hoped a bit of a playful glare remained as I stalked toward her before she rushed into the bathroom laughing. As soon as I heard the door click, my grin widened and I laughed to myself.

My girl now lived with me. We had all the time in the world.

###

Promised grand apology:

Well, it's a good thing I beta for nearly every fic out here in ficland, otherwise I'm sure y'all would have sent the police over to check for my lifeless body, perhaps with a cadaver dog or two.

Hmmm...yeah, there are a couple of reasons this is a tad...oh hell...a year late.

For one, the awesome Leon McFrenchington had to reluctantly bow out of doing EPOV. As you all probably know, he took ill and just felt it was too much. He did, however, write a lot of this chapter before he left, but this will be the last one.

My girl _silver sniper of night_ graciously offered to take over, and I am SO grateful to her. She filled in much of the chapter, including the grand "I love you" scene. Please welcome her. I know she has many fans out there.

She had to do some small stuff to do like graduate from college (congrats!) and so we were finally able to get together and make this happen.

I PROMISE from the bottom of my heart that:

I will update regularly now

The next chapter will not be fluff

My A/N's will NOT be this long in the future. It's just been a year and you were owed an explanation


	9. The End

_Have no fear, my remaining three readers, I am dedicated to finishing this story._

_Thank you farkle, my betarkle, my Boo, for giving it to me straight. You were absolutely right, and this chapter is so much better for it._

_Thank you BittenBee, my Soulmeat, for always being there when I need you, and for delighting in finding my mistakes._

_Thanks also to silver sniper of night, who really punched up the Edward POV. I love that you always get what I'm trying to convey, even when I ramble like an idiot._

_In our last chapter, things were going swimmingly with our lovebirds…let's see what happens…_

_**Chapter 9**_

_**The End**_

_BPOV_

I'd been out grocery shopping and had five bags in my hands as I struggled to get my key in the door and open it. That's when I heard two little words that stopped my heart.

"Oh, Eddie."

Followed by the sound of Edward moaning.

That's when my world stopped.

That's when every bit of happiness and hope I had left me. I hadn't even walked in on what would be the horror to end all horrors, and I already knew this would profoundly affect my life. At least I'd had some warning.

I walked into the bedroom. Edward was lying on his back with his eyes closed and his arm over his face. Tanya's mouth was wrapped around his dick. This girl must have been a prostitute in another life. If this were a porno, I'd be watching for technique. In this case it was more like a gruesome horror movie where you can't turn away even when you know the guy is about to get his head lopped off and you're gonna be sick.

And what was with that outfit? Did she think it was sexy? She looked like she just stepped off the set of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" with half her ass sticking out of a dress she must have picked up in the "Juniors" department. The six-inch fuchsia heels really completed the ensemble. It reminded me of Britney Spears. That woman could put on a ten-thousand-dollar dress and still look like cheap trash. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as I contemplated another woman performing a sex act on my boyfriend. It was like I was in an altered state of reality.

How does one react to finding her live-in boyfriend with another woman after she told him this would be the thing that would end their relationship?

I was never one to throw a fit. I don't think I could have. My spirit had already left my body the minute I heard her.

I merely went to the closet and got out my suitcase, tuning out everything around me. I think I vaguely saw Edward's hand reaching to me, but I couldn't concentrate on that. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at _her_. My mind and body were no longer in this room. I just laid the suitcase on the bed and began taking clothes out of the closet, folding them carefully and neatly, and putting them in my suitcase. Focusing intently on the task at hand was the only thing letting me retain my sanity.

I thought I might have heard that disgusting skank say, "Oh, _you're_ Bella. Eddie, you left me for _that?_" but I couldn't be sure because after "Oh, Eddie" I'd been experiencing a ringing in my ears. Then I was vaguely aware of Edward talking to me. The words sounded wrong, but it didn't matter what he was saying. Then I felt his hand around my arm. Finally I looked up into his pain-filled eyes and could see something was wrong. They were glassy and he could barely stand. That brought me out of my trance.

"Bella," he slurred, "pleaaaaase listen to me. I'm…" he shook his head as if trying to clear it. "I took a sleeeeping pill. It…it…she came over and - not what it looks like. Please…just…I wasn't thinkingclearly. Not thiiiinking clearly. I woouuuldn't do this t'you. Don't leeeave."

He looked like he was going to pass out, so I moved him to the bed and sat him down.

I was crying now. Once the numbness wore off, the tears had to come. I looked at him, sitting there on the bed, naked and pathetic. "Why was Tanya here? Why did you let her in? What the hell happened!"

His attempt to grip my arm was weak, as was his garbled and unintelligible explanation. He needed to sleep it off and all I could think about was removing myself from that apartment. I could get my answers later.

"I'm sorry Edward, but I really have to go. I promise we'll talk soon, but I just can't…I can't…"

Again he tried to hold onto me, but it was useless. "I'm so sorrily Bellala. Sorry. Soooorry."

"I know. Please, get some sleep. You're not even coherent. I'll call you."

"Promise?" Beneath the glassiness, I could see hope there.

"Yes."

He collapsed onto the bed. I pulled him up and covered him with the blankets. Looking at his beautiful sleeping face, I realized my memories of that face would be tainted from now on. Then I left.

EPOV

School was kicking my ass. My sleeping schedule was so messed up I'd just taken one sleeping pill to help myself relax. This week had been beyond stressful, and I needed a full night's rest so I'd be coherent the next day. My eyes were closing when I heard a knock at the door. I grudgingly walked over and looked through the peephole, surprised to see Tanya waiting outside.

I opened the door a crack, immediately realizing it was a mistake when she raked her eyes over my body. I was so tired that I figured out too late I was only wearing boxer-briefs. Her image blurred before me, and I forced my mind to fight the effects of the pill.

"Eddie," she said, "you're still as breathtaking as ever."

I sighed as my eyes started to close of their own accord, and I fought the urge to yawn as I leaned against the door heavily, staring down at her. What the hell was this outfit? She looked even more ridiculous than usual.

"What do you want, Tanya?"

"You, silly!" she said as she pushed her way in. I blinked sleepily, fighting a wave of exhaustion and wishing I'd never bothered getting up.

She looked around.

"The place looks different. More homey. It used to look like a bachelor pad."

"I'm living with someone now."

She turned to look at me, her eyebrows raised.

"Eddie, that's a big step for you. I'm shocked. You always insisted on only coming to my place."

"Yeah. I was never in love with you like I am with Bella."

"_Bella_, huh?"

I nodded, smiling dreamily. She looked pissed and sauntered off toward the bedroom. The bed was unmade where I'd been trying to sleep before she arrived. I followed her sluggishly, determined to get her out of there so I could lie down.

"Tanya, will you just say what you need to say and then get the hell out of here?"

I was swaying on my feet. The sleeping pill was in full-effect and I could hardly stand. She saw the weakness and pushed me back onto the bed. My eyes were closing just from being on the soft surface, when I felt weird. My head was swimming, bile rising in my throat, and I swallowed as my brain processed that she'd pulled my boxers down. I tried in vain to grab them, but in my current state, she was able to get them off with no problem.

In my haze I could see she was looking down, I guess at my dick, because she said, "God, I've missed this so much. I keep comparing you to other men, Eddie, but none of them can hold a candle."

She started stroking me. My defenses were down, and I breathed through my nose deeply, trying to stay in focus and stop myself from responding, but my body still reacted to her touch. I was too out of it to come to full-attention, but even the slight change seemed to give her the green light. I hated my stupid dick. I wanted to tell her to get the hell off. To get the fuck out of my house, but I couldn't seem to form the words. Everything was slow, and my body was heavy and not my own. Nothing was connected, just a whirl of sounds and color, making it impossible to stop her.

"Oh, Eddie," she sighed.

Before I knew it, her mouth was wrapped around me and a sound escaped me that was part moan and part protest.

I was trying to climb out of my fog when I felt something else on the bed. I looked and it was a suitcase. Bella was getting stuff from the closet. I smiled, my hand flopping out toward her. Bella. Was here. My Bella. My girlfriend. But it didn't feel right. There was a reason why she wasn't near me, why I felt as if I should be up and on my feet. Two words fought their way into my consciousness: unforgivable act.

Tanya finally stopped and said something in that annoying whiny voice, but my mind was on getting her the hell out of there. I don't know where I found the strength, it must have been from the adrenaline, but I grabbed her hand and stumbled to the door, taking her with me while she kept saying "…but Eddie, look how you reacted! You still want me!"

"My body responded, that's it… get out, get the fuck out. Don't come near me again! Juuuust stay away from us, staaaay away!" My voice was starting to slur, my mind only able to conjure a few words. She was on the front porch, pouting, and it made me sick.

"But Eddie…!"

I slammed the door in her face and stumbled my way back to the bedroom, feeling somewhere between drunk and feverish. Bella was still packing. She had a look on her face I'd never seen before. I thought she'd be angry or upset, either of those I could deal with. They were emotions. They showed that she still cared. That it could be fixed.

This was much worse. It's like somebody came and took her spirit. Everything that made her Bella was no longer there. Her face was completely blank, devoid of all emotion. I was scared shitless.

Even through my haze I knew things were really bad. She wasn't throwing shit into the suitcase haphazardly. She was calmly folding it up, cold and detached. My insides turned to ice.

This wasn't a fight. She was going to leave. Forever.

I tried to explain, but my mouth wouldn't cooperate and I could only slur an apology, gripping her arm and trying to hold her to me, to make her stay with me.

She laid me down on the bed and that didn't help because all I wanted to do at that point was sleep, but she needed to understand. I had to make her understand.

When she finally spoke to me, I was thrilled. I think she told me she knew it wasn't my fault and that we'd talk later, but frankly, I couldn't be sure. As time wore on, I was only getting less coherent and my brain more foggy. I didn't try to fight it, and I almost wished I could stay in that haze forever. Even in this state I knew that when I woke up, nothing would be the same.

BPOV

Three days later.

I went to a motel for a few days to think. After Edward blew up my phone, I finally called him back and he told me what happened.

I came back, but it wasn't the same. Every time he touched me, all my brain taunted me with was Tanya…his moaning…_oh Eddie_…and that was it. I couldn't do it. No amount of knowing intellectually he was innocent could free me up from my head throwing me those images.

I called Jake, hoping he could help shed some light on it. Basically I got, "All guys are horndogs and this guy was a manwhore, Bella. You had to know he'd revert to old behavior."

I think some part of me believed what Jake said. Maybe I'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop all this time, waiting for "horndog Edward" to appear. This made me wonder if I'd really given myself to him fully.

We couldn't go on like this. I didn't want to lose him. I told him I loved him and I meant it. This was tearing him up too, if the constant anguished look on his face was any indication. Every rejection was slowly killing the relationship. Edward needed sex like Alice needed designer clothes, and something would give if we kept up like this. I wanted to just go on and pretend like nothing had happened. For both of us. It was impossible.

After ignoring about a hundred calls from Alice, she finally tracked me down at, of all places, the coffee house where Edward and I had first met. I'd been staring at my computer screen for an hour and hadn't touched my now-cold coffee. "Oh my God, Bella, you look like you died."

"Thanks Alice. Did you come here to cheer me up?"

"Well, yeah. How am I doing so far?" She gave me a small smile, and for the first time in a while, I smiled too.

"Piss-poor. I'm thinking about adding arsenic to the coffee." I nodded toward my cup.

I patted the couch next to me…_our_ couch. That's when I realized it was also on this couch that I first saw him making out with that plastic bitch. I remember I thought the PDA had made me sick then. Coming here was a horrible idea. "Take a load off."

She sat down and studied my face. "I guess I don't have to ask how you've been doing, huh?"

"I'm trying to get past it, but I'm failing miserably. It kills me that I know I'm killing him, but I don't think I can ever get that image out of my head. It's too much. I can't deal with it. I know what happened wasn't his fault, Alice. I just can't un-see that."

"You two look like mirror images of each other. How long has it been since you've eaten or slept?"

I just looked at her.

"That's what I thought."

I started crying. "I don't know what to do…I don't want it to end, but I don't see any way to undo what's been done."

Alice pulled her chair next to me and held me.

"May I make a suggestion?"

I kept my head down. "Okay."

"You know my husband, Jasper, is a therapist, right?"

"Yeah."

"Would you mind talking to him? It doesn't have to be in a formal setting or anything, but he's really good with helping people."

"I don't know…"

She put her hand on my arm. "Please? At least once? For me?

I looked up into her beautiful green eyes, so like her brother's it hurt just to look at her.

"Yeah, Ali. For you. Thanks."

She smiled. I cried some more and she just held me. I missed the human contact.

I really hoped Alice was right and this could all be repaired. Jasper had better be a miracle worker.


	10. Face the Fear

A/N: To all of you still with me after a hiatus that was "Unforgivably" too long, thank you.

I need to finish what I start, so even if I have only two readers left, I'm okay with that. It's what I get for being a world-class procrastinator.

Thanks to farkle. You rock my world.

**Chapter 10**

**Face the Fear**

_BPOV_

We were sitting in Jasper's office, which was not austere at all, but soft couches and warm colors. I tried to remember this wasn't an actual therapy session, but it wasn't working.

"Bella, you need to relax. What can I do to make you feel more comfortable?"

_What could make me more comfortable?_ _Good question._

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say. I feel so bad. I mean, you get paid tons of money for your time, right? And here you are giving me advice for free, and I'm just sitting here."

He thought for a moment. "How's the book coming along?"

I smiled. "That's the one bright spot, actually. I've been throwing everything into my writing and gotten a lot done since I've been stressing out."

"That's good, right?" He looked at me in that reassuring way therapists just can't help. Even when they're not supposed to be … therapizing …

"I guess. But then I walk around feeling guilty all the time." Jasper waited patiently while I tried to find the right words. "I don't know what to do. It haunts me. I'm not sleeping, I'm barely eating, and I'm treating Edward like he did something wrong when I withhold myself from him. He already feels so horrible, and here I am making him feel worse."

"First of all, you're not _making_ anyone feel anything. You're just having a bad reaction to what happened. Whatever Edward is feeling about this, he can deal with on his own. Let's just concentrate on you. Tell me what led up to this. Were you two fighting?"

"No, that's just it. We were fine."

"Then what do you think happened?"

I sighed. "When I was ten, my dad cheated on my mom with their friend Sue. I guess … maybe I always felt like guys cheat, you know? Maybe … maybe I was expecting this?"

"Why don't you take 'maybe' out of that sentence and say it again. See if it rings true for you."

"I was expecting this." I stopped. Absorbed it. "Wow."

"Sometimes our minds get so jumbled, we can't focus because we're filling it with junk like feeling guilty and remembering every terrible thing we ever did. It can distract you from the real issue."

"I didn't … yeah I guess you're right. I just keep thinking about how when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was talking about these 'unforgivable acts' and laying down the law. It's like I was sinking the ship before it set sail.""

Jasper leaned forward and looked me in the eye. "Hey … hey … I'm not saying you did anything wrong."

All the air left my lungs and I had my face in my hands, crying. "I feel like I did." Jasper grabbed some tissues and handed them to me. I took one and blew my nose.

"So you're afraid you sabotaged the relationship?"

I could only nod and cry some more.

"Well, did you hold yourself back at all from him?"

I thought about it. "I don't think so. I don't know. I mean, I'd like to think I gave it my all, but I should probably ask him if he ever felt I was holding back."

Why don't you take a moment and make that assessment yourself? "

I did. I thought back to how I went in with my eyes wide open. How optimistic I felt when we moved in together but also a little scared.

"Maybe I got caught up in all of it," I said. "I'd never really been in a relationship before, so I didn't know what to expect."

"Did any of his behavior send up red flags for you?"

I shook my head. "No. Absolutely nothing. I think that's why I suggested moving in together."

"You were the first to bring it up?"

"Yeah. I think … I was trying to push myself to take a chance. It didn't feel too quick at the time, and Edward told me later he was going to ask if I didn't bring it up."

"But you still think a part of you expected the relationship to fail. Why do you think that?"

Looking up to the ceiling I said, "Besides my dad cheating, my mom was obviously bitter about the whole thing and kept saying over and over how 'all men cheat,' so that probably didn't help matters, huh?" I turned back to him.

"No, it didn't," he said. "If parents only knew how much harm they cause when they put adult problems onto their children …"

"So, what's the solution? I can't go on this way, but I keep playing the scene over and over, and it won't go away no matter how much I try to push it out of my mind."

"Try not pushing it away," he said with authority.

I panicked. "What do you mean try _not_ pushing it away? Isn't that what I need to do?"

"Not necessarily. The more we try to push a memory down, it continues to crop up. Sometimes saying it out loud, in detail, actually helps."

I was really frightened to do it, but he was the professional. "Okay I—"

"Close your eyes and lean back."

I did as he said and leaned back into the couch cushions and closed my eyes. It was all there in Technicolor.

In his soothing voice Jasper said, "Okay, go on…"

"I walked in and I heard a woman say, "Oh Edward" and it was like everything I'd ever feared was coming true. A big part of me wanted to turn around and run back to my car, maybe pretend it never happened, but I knew that was an impossibility. I had to see. I had to _know_."

I took a deep breath. This is where it got difficult.

"When I finally made my way to the bedroom and saw Tanya. She was … oh God …!"

"It's okay. Breathe. In slowly, then out slowly. When you're ready to continue, go on."

I took one huge breath in through my nose and let it out through my mouth, gaining control of myself. I said,"Tanya was on her knees. She had Edward's … Edward's … ummm … _you know_ in her mouth and he was lying on the bed with his hand over his eyes. At that point, something inside me snapped. It was like I was no longer inhabiting my own body. The only thing I could think of was _all men cheat_ and _get out get out get out_."

I was hyperventilating, then Jasper was beside me.

"Bella … you need to breathe. C'mon, you can do it. Come back to me. Take a deep breath."

I tried, but it was stuttered. I couldn't get control of myself as I got more and more panicked, the world going black. It was then I realized a paper bag was in my hand.

"Breathe into this," Jasper said calmly, and I did.

When everything was in focus again I said, "Well, that was embarrassing."

When I looked up into his kind eyes, he smiled and said, "No, not at all. You thought this was your worst nightmare come true, but now you need to put it in its proper place."

"What do you mean?"

"It wasn't your worst nightmare. Edward wasn't cheating on you. That's what you said, right?"

"Yeah. He'd taken a sleeping pill and Tanya thought by him lying down, he was letting her know it was okay. She was too stupid to even tell he was drugged up."

"So we both agree that what happened was just a perfect storm of circumstances that led up to what you saw."

I gave him a reluctant smile. "Yeah, I can accept that."

"Well, it's a good first step."

"Great, so I've got two questions for you: one, how do I stop remembering the incident every time I look at him and two, how do I stop thinking that all men cheat and waiting for him to screw up?"

"Do I look like a miracle worker to you?" he asked, grinning widely.

"Well, you kinda do. I don't know what it is about you, but you're like a tranquilizer."

He laughed. "Does that mean I put you to sleep?"

"No!" I said, mortified. "I mean—"

"It's okay, Bella. I was just kidding. I know what you meant. And thank you."

Yeah, I definitely needed to calm down.

"It's really good that you were willing to open up to me and talk about it, and that's a good first step, but I think you need to delve deeper. To that end, there are some exercises you can do to help you with that."

"Okaaay …" Of course I didn't think one "session" with Jasper would magically cure me, but now I'd have to do exercises, and I had a feeling they'd open up even more cans of worms.

He went over to his desk, opened up a drawer, and pulled out a set of stapled papers, then came back over and handed them to me. "Do as much of this as you can. It's only for you to see, and nobody else, so write freely. If you want to share any of it with Edward, that's your prerogative."

I looked down at the papers. "Do you think it's a good idea if I share it with him?"

"Well, let's not decide before you do the assignment. It's important you don't hold back, and if you're thinking he's going to be reading any of it, you just might."

Nodding, I said, "Yeah, you're right. I guess that's why you're the professional, huh?"

He leaned into me. "Don't tell my wife. She always tells me I'm wrong."

Wow. If I wasn't in love with Edward, and Alice wasn't already married to him, I think I would fall madly in love with Jasper Whitlock and never look back.

I went home and looked over the assignment. Then I wrote it all out and read it over the next couple of days. It did help, but to complete the process, I knew in my heart I needed to share it with Edward, and I wouldn't chicken out and have him just read it. I'd say it out loud to his face.


	11. New Beginnings

There's one thing I promised myself, and that was to finish this story. I know many have given up. Taken me off alerts. Cursed me for taking years to finish an eleven-chapter story. This if for those who've stuck around, particularly from the beginning, like AnnaLund, mugglemom08, Erikajo, Maizeandbluevalpo, as well as my new followers. Thanks for having faith in me, even seeing the eternity between updates.

I've done this for you, but also for me, due to my Sagittarian pattern of getting really excited about a project, only to abandon it when things get rough.

If you're interested, I'm planning to post another story I started writing before this one. (It's complete, so I promise the chapters will come...a bit faster). I also have a series of one-shots based on clichés (those of you who know me, know how I love those.)

SPECIAL THANKS: To farkle, who betaed for me and encouraged me to post this fic. You've been my rock. To KiyaRaven, my Ozzie princess, who's always supported me in my writing and encouraged me to finish. To Belli486 for the comic relief. To Withany for our many skype sessions where she let me talk and talk and talk until I ran out of air. Also to TwiReaderAbi, my favorite gossip babe.

THANK YOU Silver Sniper of Night, who, even though she's been absent for a while, was willing to help me finish this. She was EPOV till the very end. I miss you, beautiful girl.

So without further ado, here it is, the last chapter of "Unforgivable Act."

EPOV

"Beer?"

I looked up to see Emmett offering me a cold bottle. I nodded and managed a half-smile as I took a swig. Emmett studied me for a moment then shook his head and took a seat opposite me.

"So, Edward, while I'm more than happy to have you here, you gonna let me know what's going on?"

I set the bottle down on the table, feeling guilty and stupid for being so transparent.

"Hey, don't get that look on your face. You know I'm here for you, man. Now spit it out."

There was no use trying to fool Emmett. "It's Bella."

"I figured as much. How's she doing?"

I shrugged and looked at the bottle in front of me. "Hard to tell. She says she's fine, that she understands. She smiles, laughs, spends time with me. But it's not the same. It's not how it was. I can't seem to make it right, no matter how many times I explain. We barely touch, let alone have sex any more. It's like she feels I'm tainted, like she doesn't want me after what happened with Tanya. I screwed up. I know I did. It's all on my head here. She came back to me, which is more than I deserved, but she's not really _there._ I just don't know how to make it right."

Emmett stared at me for a few moments with a look of total confusion. I shifted, really hating the way he was staring at me. Then he slowly lowered his beer to the table and straightened up.

"Okaaaay," he said and gestured toward me for emphasis. "So, you were high out of your mind, sick, and exhausted, when you let a crazy bitch into your apartment. You tell her to get out, but she doesn't leave and just decides to get down on her knees and blow you when you're too weak and out of it to stop her. Is that about right?"

I gaped, completely in shock with the way he'd managed in just a few crude sentences to summarize the events that had almost broken me.

He sat back and nodded severely. "Yes of course, I can see how this is all about you being a bastard. They write cautionary tales about guys like yo—"

"Okay! I get it. You've made your point. When you put it like that, it doesn't seem as bad, but it doesn't change anything."

Emmett shook his head. "Edward, those are the facts. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have let her into your apartment, but your judgment wasn't at its best, which is exactly why Tanya went for you. If you'd been alert, she wouldn't have been able to get anywhere near you, right?"

"Hell, no!" I yelled. Emmett grinned as if this answered his question.

"Then stop it. You're going to sabotage your relationship if you keep blaming yourself."

I sighed. He was making sense, even if I didn't want to admit it. When he explained everything like that, it didn't feel like it was my fault, but I couldn't make myself shift the blame to Tanya. Every time I looked into my girl's eyes, every time she hesitated before we touched, it killed me.

"She hasn't said she blames me, but it's not like we've really talked about it. I explained, I apologized—hell, I begged for forgiveness. I mean, I knew how this would break her. She let me know when we first got together that cheating was a deal breaker. She trusted me to stop things like this from happening, but when it came down to it, I couldn't."

My voice shook, and I turned away, choosing to focus back on the beer bottle.

"Edward," he said, his voice calm and steady, "for the vast majority of people, cheating is a deal breaker. That she had to warn you before you started dating speaks more about Bella and less about you. But leaving that aside, you didn't cheat on her. Cheating involves someone actually being conscious of their actions."

I nodded, only just starting to believe what he was saying. I'd never wanted Tanya near me, and if I'd been able to make a decision, I would have never let her into the apartment. I knew in my heart I was faithful to Bella. That it had taken me to a point where I was barely capable of moving for something like this to happen, and even then I'd tried to resist. There wasn't a single part of me that wanted anyone but Bella. I knew that, and it was what I clung to.

"But you have to look at it through her eyes. Yeah, it seems to me like she's got her own issues, but it doesn't change what happened. Again, I'm not blaming you at all, Ed, but I know if this were me we were talking about, Rose wouldn't welcome me back with open arms. No way. Hell, she'd have probably taken a chunk out of both me and the girl for ..." He stopped when he caught the look on my face. "But moving on..."

"You just said I didn't cheat," I said, feeling a little defensive.

"I'm not saying you did, but think about it. If you'd walked in on some guy going down on Bella, how would you feel? Even if she was as drugged as you were, do you think you'd be able to just return to normal?"

A flash of Jake and Bella together went through my mind, and I pushed my nails into my palms before taking a deep breath. Emmett stared back at me grimly.

"See what I mean?"

I sighed and let my head fly back as I dove my hands into my hair.

"Look, it's a messed-up situation. It's hard and it's complicated, but that's what relationships are like. You think I ended up married without falling into deep shit on the way? Hell, no. Of course there was never anything like this, but I did my own dumb-ass things and screwed up in my own way. You work through it, together. That's what you do if you want things to work out."

I sighed and nodded. "I need to talk to Bella," I said, knowing that it was the only way forward. Things couldn't stay as they were. It was unfair to both of us. If I wanted this to work, we needed to talk, and I wanted it to work more than anything.

BPOV

I was sitting on the couch, staring at my "essay" with shaking hands, when I heard his key in the door. That just made my hands shake more. He entered and seemed surprised to see me.

"Hey," he said. "What's going on?"

Then he looked at the papers in my hand and up to my face. Now his expression was like a man headed for his execution. Great. Just what I wanted. To set him on edge. I could tell he'd already been tiptoeing around me.

"Hey back," I said and smiled. It didn't seem to reassure him.

He just stood there, seemingly afraid to move.

"Please come here and hug me," I said.

The look of relief on his face...I felt like the biggest ass of all time. What I'd been putting this man through. That was an unforgivable act.

He sat down beside me and gave me the best hug I'd ever gotten. It felt good to receive it and give one back in return with everything I had.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I know you've been put through hell lately, but I'm hoping to make that right."

"It's okay, babe. I get it."

"No."

He looked confused.

"What I mean is, I went and talked to Jasper..."

"Oh, great. Did he tell you to dump me?"

"No! I went to see him, because I needed to get past this. He gave me a...an assignment, I guess. A way for me to sort through my feelings and get them out. I've been holding things in for too long and not dealing with them. I think I was afraid if I did, we'd have to end. I didn't want that."

"Well, that's good. I don't want that, either."

"I'm very glad to hear that." I cleared my throat. "To that end...he gave me the option of either sharing this with you or not. I'm choosing to, because you need to hear it. Is that okay?"

He looked scared but nodded. "Yeah, okay. If it will help you."

"It'll help both of us," I said. "And please, I know it will be difficult, but try not to say anything until I'm through, okay?"

"Okay," he said.

The pain in his eyes nearly made me lose it. I had to keep focused on the paper for this, because I knew if I looked at him, I'd never be able to get through it.

"The assignment was to write at least one page on what my experience has meant to me and the effect it's had on my beliefs about myself, others, and the world. The words I was supposed to keep in mind were: safety, trust, power, competence, esteem, and intimacy."

Despite myself, I looked at him. He seemed frightened again, so I figured I should hurry and put him out of his misery. And to be honest, me as well.

"Here goes." I ran my hand through my hair. I could get through this. "Safety. My whole life, I've never felt safe but like the rug could be pulled out from under me. I never felt safe in my parents' home, because everything was so rocky there. I've always felt like I had to fend for myself with everything. Until Edward came along. His arms made me feel safe. I feel safe in his love."

I'd purposely used the present tense "feel" because it was still true. I sneak another look. He seems stunned. I continue.

"Trust. Again, because of my parental situation, with my dad cheating on my mom, I never trusted any man. Until Edward. It's cliché, but I gave him my heart, and he's never given me a reason to think I did the wrong thing. And I know he's put all his trust in me. Which leads me to my next word…"

I'd had one hand on my lap. I felt his hand go on top of it. That's when I realized I'd been shaking again. I gulped over the lump in my throat.

"Power. After this incident, it came to me the power I'd had in the relationship without even knowing it. He'd shown me all his weaknesses. Trusted me with them. I now appreciate that power and will never take it for granted again."

A kiss on the cheek. That did it. Here comes the water works. Still, I plow on.

"Competence. I've never felt competent, especially to be in a relationship. I didn't think I was mature enough to handle it. I've always felt weak and like a little kid. Even when I was a 'parent' to my own parents, I never really felt competent. More like a kid playing at being grown up."

He inches closer and lightly rubs his knuckles down my cheek.

"Esteem. I've always had false bravado. Because I didn't have faith in myself, I couldn't give it to another person. The phrase 'love yourself' always made me laugh. But now I know it's essential before getting into a relationship. Otherwise, you put your insecurities onto the other person and let them carry them around."

Snot runs down my face. Then there's a tissue in my hand. I blow loudly.

"Intimacy." I stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. "Intimacy has always been a problem for me. I don't mean just having sex, even though that's harder for me than a lot of women. I mean, really looking the other person in the eyes and being a hundred percent in the moment." Regulate breathing. "I'd mistaken what happened with Edward and Tanya as 'intimacy.' As if she'd shared with him what I had. Since they'd been together before, I thought he wanted her over me. That she could give him the real intimacy he needed, because she was uninhibited where I was so inhibited."

"Bella, I never—"

I look up from my paper. Edward had tears streaming down his face, too. Now it was my turn to put my hand on his.

"I know, Edward. Just hold on a couple of minutes, okay?"

"Sure. Sorry. Go on."

I sigh. This is even tougher than I thought it would be.

"But then I consider that after 'the incident' as I call it, Edward didn't go running to her. Even through my doubt. Even through my not letting him have sex with me…Edward maintained our intimacy. He didn't waiver.

"My biggest regret is that he blames himself for what happened. He did nothing wrong. The other thing I have to remember is that I didn't intentionally do anything wrong, either. I did the best I could with the information I had at the time.

"But watching our relationship slip away was enough for me to take a closer look at myself and see the lies I've been telling myself. I can't guarantee I won't backslide, but being more aware of how my mind works, might help me get to this point faster."

I put down the paper.

"I love you, Edward"

He kissed me with all the passion that's been missing since Tanya entered our apartment.

When we broke apart, he said, "I love you too, Bella. And just to let you know, I talked with Emmett today, and he got an image in my head of you and Jake, and well…let's just say it would have taken some time for me to get over that, too."

I laughed. "I'm so sorry for that speech I gave you at the beginning of our relationship. It was like I was setting us up to fail. That was so stupid of me."

"I'll make a deal with you. We both have to stop blaming ourselves for what happened. The one good thing it brought us was that we got out our issues. Let's just move forward from here. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Good. Now what should we do to christen this moment?"

"Oh, we could go to that pizza place you took me to on our first date!" I said. "It's a good way to start over."

He gave me his naughtiest smile. "We could do that. Later. I've got something more immediate in mind. Something that will put only one image in our heads."

With a squeal from me, he hoisted me off the couch and threw me over his shoulder before heading off to the bedroom.


End file.
